How will I know

Broken

(Aprils pov)
I sent my trauma patient up to the OR and ran into trauma 2 to help out there. "Hey do you need anything?" I asked while changing my gloves. "Kepner get out of here!" Owen yelled. "Why?" I asked. I looked at the patient, then I gasped. "Oh my god! Oh my god oh my god oh my god!!" I yelled. I felt sick to my stomach to see the man I love lying on the table. I stood there uncontrollably crying. I hear mark yell "clear!" As he shocks him. I just cry even harder. "Someone get her out of here!" Callie yells as she relieves the pressure from his leg. As soon as she does that he finally stabilizes. They hang more blood for him. Alex grabs my arm and tries to pull me out. I protest as much as I can, until he successfully drags me out. He wipes the blood from his nose. "Damn he's got an arm!" He said, probably trying to lighten up the situation. I gasped for air, not responding to his joke. "Okay April breathe. I'm scrubbing in on his surgery and I promise I won't let anything happen to him." Alex explained. I took a staggered breath and nodded, wiping my tears. I sat down against the wall right outside the room. He was finally stable enough for surgery so they rolled him into the OR.
~~~~time skip~~~~
Chief hunt scrubbed out of surgery and walked into the hallway. "H-how is he? Is he okay?" I asked. "I He's stable, Torres repaired the tendons in his leg, and we found the source of his abdominal bleeding." He said while running his hands through his hair. I sighed in relief. "I really thought I lost him." I said, finally being able to catch my breath. "Bad news is we can't find out what's wrong with his lungs, but we are working on it. I'm thinking it's the broken ribs that are putting pressure on them, but in not quite sure. Just prepare for the worst, which of course would be organ failure. Grey is closing, and we will just monitor him very carefully." He said to me. I waited in the hallway.
----Time skip----
I sat next to his bed and waited for him to wake up. Lexie ran in panicking. "I was in surgery I just found out what happened is he brain dead?" She said while crying and gasping for breath. "He was in the back of the train, there were only 14 survivors. He should be waking up any minute." I said. I was basically all cried out, so I sounded almost too calm. "Oh thank god." She said while sniffling. "I have so many surgeries scheduled. I just really wish I could stay. Will you tell him I was here?" She said while wiping the tears flowing out of her eyes. I nodded. She kissed his cheek and walked out. I held his hand. Callie came in and started putting his leg in a cast. "Why didn't you put the cast on earlier?" I asked Callie. "Weber needed the OR, I figured I could hold off until now." She said. "But it's not as sterile here! And He has open sutures you can't cast over that!"
"April relax I'm gonna bandage him first." Said Callie. I nodded and took a deep breath. Callie finished casting him after about 20 minutes. Shepherd came in."has he woken up yet?" He asked. I shook my head. "Don't worry, he will. Some patients take a bit longer, but he will."
"Does anyone know what happened to his lungs?" I asked him. He shook his head. I heard a quiet groan and both our heads shot over to Jackson. "Oh my gosh your awake!!" I yelled as I ran to his side. He just looked at me with pained eyes, because he couldn't speak with the intubation. "Jackson it's Dr. Shepherd. Can you follow this light with your eyes?" He said as he slowly moved his flashlight back and forth. "Now squeeze my hand, your doing great." When Jackson didn't squeeze his hand, he glanced at me, then recorded his condition in his charts. "Wait why can't he move his hands?" I asked. "You know the drill, Kepner. He just woke up from surgery and is probably extremely traumatized. That doesn't mean he can't ever move his hands again." I took a breath. "Right." Shepherd continued to assess him. "I'm going to extubate him, he's breathing over it." He said. I smiled slightly. Jackson coughed as he pulled out the tube. "How are you feeling?" I asked him, with tears in my eyes. "Apes..." He slurred weakly. "It's me Jackson, I'm right here." I said while grabbing his hand. He spoke with sharp breaths between words. "I can't tell.... Which one of you... I see is most... Beautiful."