Psychology Facts

▲ Mommy Issues ▲

》Mommy issues refer to problems forming or maintaining healthy adult relationships, due to a person's insecure or unhealthy relationship with their mother or another female figure in their childhood.

》The term "mommy issues" is loosely defined, and while studies do not focus on this concept specifically, there is a lot of research on how unhealthy, abusive, and neglectful mother-child relationships affect people as adults. Mommy issues may simply be a term that describes the insecure attachment styles a person develops in order to cope.

》When a child learns that the mother does not always respond to their needs, they may develop an anxious attachment.

A person may display the following behaviors:

heavily invested in a relationship

need to feel emotionally closer to their partners to feel secure

negative self-image

constantly looking for signs their partner is pulling away

anxious to please others at the expense of their own needs

act in ways that smother partners or drive them away

》Neglect or harsh treatment from a mother may cause a child to develop an avoidant attachment. Mothers may be too critical or demanding of their children and are discouraged from expressing themselves.
Individuals who have this attachment style tend to withdraw during conflict.

A person may display the following behaviors:

resistance to affection

low levels of trust

difficulty showing affection

difficulty maintaining relationships

negative self-image

detachment

anger issues

impulsivity

》Mommy issues in men

People often use the term mommy issues to describe men. While all people can experience relationship issues with mothers, some psychological theories suggest there are gendered aspects to certain unhealthy mother-child dynamics.

The Oedipus Complex theory suggests that a male child develops an unconscious desire for their mother and sees the father as a competition for the mother's love. This occurs during the phallic stage of sexual development when the child is around 3 to 5 years old.
If a child does not successfully resolve this, it may lead to an unhealthy fixation on their mother. They may also choose partners who resemble their opposite-sex parent. This fixation can also lead to problems in relationships.

》Mommy issues in women

Women may also have mommy issues, but they may present differently. Gender may affect how the impact of their complicated mother-daughter relationship may show up.

A 2020 study found that the need for approval in relationships is more common in women, while treating relationships as secondary is more common in males.

》Other effects

Mommy issues affect how a person forms personal and romantic relationships and impacts their parenting.

A 2015 study showed that a person's attachment can affect their parenting style. Those with insecure attachments showed lower responsive caregiving and were more likely to have an authoritarian or permissive parenting style.

Similarly, a 2021 study showed that parenting may have an intergenerational impact. Parenting style may not only affect a child's development but may also have a long-term impact on child-rearing that is passed across generations.

A 2021 study found that children with insecure attachments showed poorer emotional regulation than their peers with secure attachments.

Children of mothers who received maltreatment were also more likely to show emotional and behavioral problems. They are also at a higher risk of mental health problems.

》Mommy issues vs. daddy issues

A person, regardless of their gender, can develop psychological issues from an unhealthy parent-child relationship with either parent. This means that a child can develop mommy issues, daddy issues, or a combination of both.
Researchers explained that fathers might pass their emotional coping style, like drinking alcohol and smoking to their children, but the mother's emotional coping style has less effect on the child.

》A 2020 Chinese study differentiated the roles between a mother-child and a father-child relationship. The father-child relationship tends to affect a person's behavioral coping style.
Meanwhile, the study also showed that a person's relationship with their mothers affects their emotional experience. The child internalizes their emotional connection with their mothers into their internal working model and uses it as the basis of how they view and explore the world.