Psychology Facts

▲ Enmeshment ▲

》Enmeshment describes family relationships that lack boundaries such that roles and expectations are confused, parents are overly and inappropriately reliant on their children for support, and children are not allowed to become emotionally independent or separate from their parents.

》It is important to note that the United States is a much more individualistic society than many cultures around the world. What looks like enmeshment in the U.S. may be the norm in a more collectivist society like Japan or Italy, where people emphasize the needs of the group over individuals' needs.

》With enmeshment, the emotional bond between family members is intertwined and without separation. On the opposite end of the spectrum, disengagement occurs when family members are completely emotionally separate from one another.
Both are considered unhealthy and can have concerning implications on a child's development and well-being.

》In fact, a study found that "enmeshed" adults in the UK suffered from depression at a higher rate than "enmeshed" adults in Italy because of cultural

》Feminist critiques say that these family system concepts represent patriarchal and male-centered family structures and that the concept of enmeshment pathologizes mothers' natures to build relationships. So if your background is in a more collectivist culture where individuals are more interconnected, this type of family structure may be preferable to you.

》Here are some examples of enmeshment:

A mother who calls her son's ex-girlfriend to ask why she broke up with him

A person who cannot make simple life decisions without consulting her parents first

A family member who takes it personally when someone else in the family moves away to take a job

A parent who relies on her child for support through her divorce

A person who has no understanding of activities he enjoys and instead takes on the interests of his closest friends

》Some signs you might see in others or yourself dealing with enmeshment:

Low levels of privacy between parents and children, either physically or emotionally

Assumptions that children will be their parents' best friend

Parents being "helicopter parents" or excessively involved in their children's lives to the point of not allowing them to develop on their own

Parents presuming that their children will be the ones to give them emotional support

Children being rewarded for not resisting the enmeshment

》A person who may have enmeshed relationships would include someone who:

Does not have a strong sense of self

Depends on others to provide validation and self-esteem

Cannot function well alone

Has difficulty acting alone and having a healthy level of independence within a relationship

Is unable to act and think separately from their family without feeling that the family was betrayed

Does not engage in activities for their own
enjoyment but looks to do what others want most of the time

》The good news is that it is never too late to recover from enmeshment trauma. In fact, while it may sound scary at first, it will ultimately be worth it. Here's how to find your own way after growing up in an enmeshed family:

Create boundaries

Find yourself

Seek professional help

Be patient