Cold fire, you've got everything but cold fire
You will be my rest and peace, child
I moved up to take a place
Near you
So tired, it's the sky that makes you feel tried
It's a trick to make you see wide
It can all but break your heart.
Saturday 15th September 1973
*Knock knock*
“Sirius.”
Nothing.
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
“Sirius?”
Silence.
“Oh, for the love of… Sirius Orion Black the Third, I know you’re in there!” James hammered on the door.
“Piss off, Potter.”
James stepped back from the bathroom door and sat on his bed, looking dejected. Sirius had not joined them for dinner, and had been locked in the bathroom now for two hours, without making a sound.
“Leave him alone,” Remus said, turning the page of his book. He lay belly down on his own bed, pretending he wasn’t at all concerned. “He’ll come out when he’s ready.”
That was something he’d often heard Matron say. At least once a week, one of the St Edmund’s boys – usually a new kid – had a tantrum and locked himself in a room, or crawled into some small space so no one could reach him. The response from staff was always the same; ignore it until he realises no one cares; until he realises that nothing he can do will make a difference. It always worked, Remus knew this first hand.
“It’s not like him,” James said, obviously disregarding Remus’s draconian tactic. “I could kill Snape, y’know. For saying that stuff.”
Remus shrugged,
“Black already hates his family, though. I dunno why he lets Snivellus bother him about it.”
James stared at Remus, dumbfounded, as if he had just said something unimaginably cruel.
“They’re still his family, Moony.”
“They’re horrible to him.”
“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care what they think.” James sighed. “Look, Lupin, maybe you’d better go before he comes out. Go and find Pete in the library or something.”
“I’m Sirius’s friend too!” Remus sat up, indignantly.
“Yeah, yeah, of course you are,” James waved a hand, “But well… if he’s been crying, I think he’d rather no one else saw.”
“I don’t care if he’s crying. I want to help.”
This was a bit of a lie. Remus had always felt uncomfortable around crying people – he never knew what to do with himself. But he really did want to help, too. Hadn’t he always tried to help?
More than ever Remus wanted to come clean about having prompted Narcissa into the unbreakable vow, just to see James’s face. But he calmed himself. It wasn’t a competition, and even if it was, it wasn’t one he would win.
“Ok,” James said, “but you have to be understanding about it. You can’t start a fight.”
“What are you talking about?” Remus was mortally offended. He never started fights.
“You two! You’re always bickering, I swear.”
“We do not bicker.” Remus snapped. James just raised his eyebrows, which was infuriating.
The dark-haired boy hopped off the bed once more and went back to the bathroom door.
“Sirius?” He knocked, “Please come out and talk to us?”
