What Should Have Been

Can't Possibly

Kakashi POV:

To say I am dumbfounded by her comment would be an understatement. What could she possibly mean by that? Is it that she hasn't... or is it that she has and.... That's none of my business.

"Looks like it's going to rain tonight." She studies the weather report.

"Hm," I mutter, raising my eyebrows as if that's what interests me.

Her words echo in my ears. It can't possibly feel that good. It's not like I have a whole lot of experience to be able to dispute that. Most of what I know is from those books I read. Still, I would like to think that, with the right person...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I insist on sleeping on the couch. I wouldn't know where to begin sleeping in the same bed with Sakura. Would we stay as far apart as possible, or would we cuddle... just a little? Would I turn to face her or her to face me? What if we intend on sleeping separately and wake up in the middle of the night to find ourselves entangled? What would happen then? I just don't know, but I can't continue to dwell on it if I want my heart rate to normalize anytime soon. Hence, I take the easiest route – perhaps for the both of us.

I'm alone on the couch with my thoughts, the rain pouring in the background. There's another urge I'm fighting... to ask her what she meant by that comment. It's eating away at me more and more, but I have absolutely no right to know.

"'Kashi-sensei?" I hear her sleepy voice call me from across the room.

"Yes, Sakura?"

"C'mere."

I get up and approach the opposite side of the bed. "Is everything ok?"

Her eyes flash up to me in the dark. She looks so cozy wrapped up in the blankets, her head nuzzled into the pillow. Yet, I can tell there's something troubling her.

"I can't sleep." She sighs.

"I'm assuming there's a lot on your mind, Sakura."

She's quiet, but her eyes shift away from mine.

"Why don't you tell me about it?" I perch carefully on the side of the bed.

She uses one hand to push her hair back and leaves it resting against her forehead, her eyes fixed on the ceiling. "All I can think right now..." She starts softly, "is how am I going to return to the village? Everyone in Konoha was at my wedding but me."

"And me," I point out.

"And you." This makes her smirk a bit before continuing. "How am I supposed to face everyone? How am I supposed to face Ino, Naruto... Sasuke." She shuts her eyes tightly.

I'm quiet for a moment, letting the question sink in before answering. "Tell them the truth." I say as if it's that simple.

Understandably, she turns her head to look up at me. She doesn't seem upset though, just tired and confused. "How am I supposed to tell them the truth if I don't know the truth myself?"

"Well, in that case... we won't return until you know the truth." I shrug.

"That could take a while," she chuckles nervously.

"We'll wait as long as it takes. We could... travel the world, take up some hobbies."

She's full-on laughing now. "We're ninjas, Kakashi!" She sits up and turns to face me, crossing her legs.

I do the same, leaning to rest my elbows on my knees. "Doesn't mean we can't have hobbies."

I don't bring up the fact that I noticed she'd used my name and only my name. I don't want to make a whole ordeal out of it when, in fact, I want it to feel natural to her.

I feign a thoughtful pose. "We could take up crocheting, volleyball, water aerobics...."

She loses it then, probably imagining how ridiculous I would look doing any of those things. She is doubled over, taken with laughter, and I laugh along with her.

She leans over to nudge me playfully, and I wrap my arm around her to ruffle her hair like old times. She wrestles me off of her. It doesn't take much, since I'm not exerting much force. However, Sakura tends to have a habit of underestimating her own strength. She has me on my back in a matter of seconds, holding me down by my shoulders.

Although I know she means nothing by it, my face heats up instantly. I'm suddenly hyperaware of the state we're in. She's hovering over me, both of us breathing heavily from the laughter and exertion. Then, there's the light pressure of her holding me down. Of course, the detail I'm trying to avert my attention from the most is the fact that she's straddling my lower waist. Although she is a few inches away from me still, my mind is playing tricks on my body. I'm going crazy. I have to do something. I have to take control of the situation before she notices something.

I quickly reverse our positions. I realize just as quickly I've made things much, much worse. I'm hovering over her now, pinning her wrists above her head. Although it's not making direct contact with her, one of my legs has landed between hers.

The dead giveaway is the sudden change in her expression. Her smile has completely disappeared, and a deep blush creeps into her face. Her eyes widen, and her lips are slightly parted, her face taking on a bewildered expression. Do I imagine the hint of curiosity flashing in her eyes? Do I imagine the way her legs twitch around mine momentarily? That doesn't mean anything, Kakashi! She is in a state of utter shock, just as you were moments earlier.

I instantly pull away from her, sitting up on my knees. I take a tissue from the dispenser on the bedside table and wave it in front of me. "I surrender...." I chuckle nervously, rubbing the back of my neck. I'm unable to make eye contact with her for a while.

When I finally do, she stares up at me for what seems like forever, appearing dumbfounded. I hate to admit to myself how beautiful I find her in this moment with her disheveled hair and a bright pink blush dusted across her face. She's still lying back on the bed, slightly propped up on her elbows. Her bright green eyes flash up at me even in the dim light of the room.

Suddenly, a roll of thunder makes the earth vibrate, and the rain starts pouring down more persistently than before. This causes Sakura's eyes to shift to the window, pulling her out of her previous state. "It's really coming down out there," she says softly. "We should sleep well tonight." She directs a small smile towards me.

I return the smile with my eyes. Everything is back to normal, the air not so thick anymore. I give an internal sigh of relief. The last thing in the world I want to do is upset Sakura or make her feel uncomfortable.

That said, I begin to make my way back towards the couch.

"Where are you going?" She asks after me, confusion apparent in her voice.

"Going to bed," I answer.

"The bed's over here."

"Going to couch then," I chuckle.

"You don't want to sleep in the bed with me?"

Oh, Sakura, you have no idea.

"There's plenty of room," she adds. "I wouldn't even have to smell your musky wet dog scent."

"Excuse me?" I halt, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, nothing!" She giggles.

"Don't make me wrestle you again, Sakura." I tease and watch her cheeks light up again.

"Hmph!" She turns away from me, pulling the sheets back around her.

"Goodnight, Sakura...." I call out to her, resting my head on a couch cushion.

"Goodnight," she says almost mockingly.

I can't help but smile.