What Should Have Been

Suited Up

How can someone's voice be so stern yet so soothing? Sakura thinks. Then again, that's how it's always been – all those years he taught me - taught us. As much as he pushed us, he always calmed us, too – probably in hopes that his calm and collected nature would rub off on at least one of us. And did it work? Not one bit, but I suppose it didn't hurt either. Still, it sure isn't working for me on this day.

She feels as if she wobbles to the door, and it has little to do with the heels she's wearing. For a brief moment, she clutches the door knob for balance before quickly twisting it and swinging the door open. There, she is faced with Kakashi Hatake. He no longer towers over her like he did when she was a little girl. Yet, she still has to tilt her head upwards to meet his gaze. She's always in awe of how little he's changed throughout the years, however. In a world of constant change, he always remains consistent – still calm, still collected, still... looking like that.

Today, he's not wearing his leaf ninja headband, so both of his coal-colored eyes are exposed – his scar bared for all to see. But he's still wearing his signature mask, forever obstructing the view of the lower half of his face – which Sakura now knows is just as charming as the rest of him. His hair isn't as unruly as it usually is. He must have... dare I say it... run a brush through it a couple times. Sakura takes him in, noticing how perfectly his suit fits him – as if it were specially made for him. Although, Sakura knows he most likely bought it from a sales rack years ago and dusted it off just for this very occasion. It's a simple look, really – a black jacket buttoned over a white, button-up shirt with matching black dress pants and black dress shoes. Yet, he makes it look so... extraordinary. Sakura reasons that it's only because it's so rare for Kakashi to put this much effort into his appearance.

Sakura had been too preoccupied with gawking at Kakashi to realize he'd been gawking right back at her this entire time. He stands frozen in place, his eyes wide open, soaking her in. Still, it's not enough. How she's... blossomed. He quickly chastises himself for this thought, but there's no other word that fits quite as well. He doesn't mean "blossomed" in a creepy way – not only in a physical way. He sees it in the way she now holds herself, different from before. Having faced so much, she's now more mature. She's wiser, stronger, and more confident – as if she dares life to come and knock her down.... And of course, she looks beautiful in a breath-taking, heart-shattering kind of way – in a way that should be impossible, but isn't. Of course, there's that, too.... Get a grip, Kakashi.

Breathe, breathe, he reminds himself. There's this other feeling he can't make sense of. It's like shards of glass are lodged in his heart, which is aching, throbbing, at the sight of her in her wedding dress. Now, what could this be? He forces himself to speak. "Sakura... you're..." He finally breathes, his voice piercing through the silence only to come to an abrupt halt, getting caught in his throat. Once again, he's rendered speechless, unsure of the correct words to use. There are no words. 

A light blush dusts Sakura's cheeks as she clasps her hands in front of her. "You don't have to say anything, Kakashi. I know this is awkward as is." She averts her gaze until she realizes that Kakashi's eyes are boring into her questioningly. When she meets his gaze, he frowns a little, displaying his confusion at her words. "Y'know... because... you already have to walk me down the aisle 'n' all."

Kakashi blinks a few times, suddenly realizing that he hasn't blinked since Sakura opened the door. The burning sensation in his eyes made that apparent. He quickly shakes his head at her words. "Sakura," He says in a calming tone that immediately captures Sakura's attention. "You know me better than anyone, so you know that I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to." He assures her. Yet, a voice nags at him, But you don't. You don't really want to. And why is that? You would do anything for Sakura, so it couldn't be that it inconveniences you. So, could it be that you- No. Stop, stop, stop, he fights with himself, yet the voice persists... that you don't want to give her away.

Sakura hears his words, but his expression tells another story. She studies him and reads right through him, just as always. "Then, why do you look so unsure, huh?" She raises her hand – to do what, she isn't sure. Maybe she wants to playfully tap his shoulder or flick his chest or... caress his cheek. Confused by her own intentions, she begins to lower her hand back down to her side, but before it can reach there, he's captured her hand in his. His hand entirely engulfs hers in a gentle, fist-like motion, his palm warm and calloused against her knuckles. Sakura lifts her eyes to his once more, and her breath catches in her throat. There, in his eyes, she sees... fear... genuine fear. Wait, is he really that nervous? She thinks.

I can't take this, Kakashi thinks. I can't do this.... But I have to. His heart is slamming in his chest as he meets her confused gaze. He has to swallow before he can speak, but his voice still sounds a little gruff as the words begin to leave his mouth. "It's because... I don't..." He pauses, sighing at himself before starting over, "I don't think I can..."