Mystery of Love

7

After the incident at the pool, Theo and Jovan stopped talking to each other. They would only converse briefly when they crossed paths and would only touch on trivial subjects like schoolwork and extracurricular activities, but that was about it. It didn't go beyond sharing anything personal. 

The following week, Jovan seemed to have picked his next target. It was always the skinny, small boys who were the most attractive to him. Their sexual orientation didn't matter because he wasn't looking for a relationship in the first place. 

Theo only considered the possibility that he got played after he saw how quickly he moved on. However, he still felt like the moments they shared were real and heartfelt. He made him feel like he was loved. Or perhaps, those were the exact traits of a sexual manipulator which he exhibited. 

Moreover, he never reported him for what he did. A fraction of his heart still convinced himself to love him. And that was what he did.

Whenever he noticed Jovan showing interest in another boy, he could sense jealousy brewing in his guts. He would compare his looks and personality to those boys and wonder how he fell short of their standards. He wanted to become more desirable for Jovan. 

However, it didn't take long before he got tired of his own shenanigans. He prepared himself for the possibility that they could never get together again. The thought alone made him fight against the urge to burst into tears - often crying himself to sleep. It was a sadness he never felt before. Not when his middle school best friend betrayed him or even the bullying that followed. He was so hurt and he craved for Jovan like he never did before. 

He could recall the irony of one particular music lesson. The teacher had coincidentally assigned the two of them as table partners. She played Too Good at Goodbyes by Sam Smith which the class harmonized along. Jovan was singing it as well - in a passionate but uplifting tone. It made Theo feel like their failed relationship meant very little to him. As the song continued, he caught himself comprehending the lyrics on a personal level. Despite Jovan's best efforts to show that he loved him, Theo felt responsible for pushing him away. He blamed himself for his inability to express his feelings which as a result, caused Jovan to stop pursuing him. 

In language class, Theo's bothersome thoughts kept him from focusing. He was grateful for Ruben, who could never seem to be silent. His distraction was helpful for Theo to stay out of his unhealthy loop.

He never told Ruben about his "relationship" or that he was experiencing a broken heart. Ruben wouldn't understand his plight.

While he was experiencing love for the first time, Ruben was trying to answer questions about his sexuality.

"I'm not sure but I think I might be bisexual." He randomly blurted out once in class.

Theo was sure about his sexuality from a very young age. He remembered vividly the first time he felt a warm and fuzzy feeling towards a boy in kindergarten.

However, he thought Ruben was gay. Whenever Ruben brought up any of his love interests, they were always boys. He ultimately decided to trust him and shut off the false assumptions he cooked up.

Besides, Theo never came out to him either. It somehow felt easier doing it to his female friends. At that point though, his sexuality was like an invisible glass that everyone could practically see through. To Theo, sexuality was like an unspoken interpretation.

The school bells rang. It signaled that the last class was over.

"I'm going off, byee!!" Ruben exclaimed.

"Wait, you're ditching extracurriculars again?!"

"Who got time for that?" He smirked and left.

Well, his departure made it even more difficult for Theo, who had one less friend to eat lunch with. He had no choice but to join the band members.

Theo didn't hate them or anything. He just naturally avoided those who seemed too different from him. Their conversations frequently centred around topics he had little or no interest in.

He did, however, develop a unique interest in becoming friends with Anna. She always had the most interesting and latest gossips. She also had a kind and feminine-like personality.

As he approached the canteen, he noticed the long queues already forming at every stall. Joining a queue, he waited patiently until he felt a finger poking into him.

"Sup."

"Oh hi...Kaleb, long time no see, you ate lunch yet?"

"I'm not hungry. I only came here because I saw you alone."

"Yea my friends ditched me. So how's high school?"

"My classes are so boring. I basically just sleep in every class. Besides, no one else paid attention. Everyone is either sleeping or being noisy as hell so I can't focus even if I wanted to."

"Oh."

Theo didn't know what to say. He couldn't relate as he never fell asleep in class.

"My class is quite different from yours I guess. Anyway, I still cannot imagine that you would join band. I always thought you're into sports."

"I have no idea bruh."

"Maybe taekwondo would suit you." Theo teased.

"Nah screw taekwondo." They giggled.

"How's your section? Is Anna good at the clarinet?" Theo continued to inquire.

"Anna might be a bit better. And the seniors are pretty outgoing I guess. "

"Oooh."

Kaleb went back to his phone while accompanying Theo. It was only then that he realized Kaleb was always in his sports attire.

Theo recalled seeing him running around in the school field instead of eating during breaks. He remembered the old times when they used to play block catching in the nearby neighbourhood and eat cup noodles after that. 

That was the peak moment of their friendship back in middle school. However, they drifted apart after Kaleb fell into the bad influence of his friends.

He truly hoped that Kaleb had quit being friends with them as he had a good heart, but always mixed around with the wrong individuals.

During band practice, the conductor had tried a new music piece for an upcoming performance. As a flutist, Theo struggled as he had the primary melody. In fact, the band sounded awful as a whole while playing in rubato.

When it came to the seating arrangement, the clarinet and flute sections were in the first row. The rows were curved such that the two sections were almost facing each other.

Nevertheless, it was a productive band practice. After an exhausting day, all he wanted to do was to run a shower and lie in his bed. Theo was glad that he had friends and a busy schedule to keep his mind away from Jovan. He was the last thing he needed to think about.