Anything [h.s]

Chapter 37

Anna Faze.

Cold.

It's a cold day in Portland.

Before walking off the bus I put on my sweater.

After we checked in at the front desk, Jeff, Harry, Tommy, Kenny, and myself all rode up on the elevator. I'm not sure if Harry said anything to them about what I said on the bus or what but the awkwardness in that elevator was so strong.

It's a little after seven I believe, I tried to close my eyes once I went to the back of the bus but like always I just laid there thinking. Instead of thinking about bad things I thought of some good things like my mom is coming to the LA shows which I'm happy to see again, and how Harry has his first ever pleasing drop coming very soon to the public. Then I have my collaboration with Vivianna swim coming out in just a few days. I also thought about what my family will probably do for thanksgiving in a few weeks, when I told them I'd be home for both thanksgiving and Christmas joy was taken over, I can't remember the last time I saw them that happy from me telling them I'd be home for not one but both very important holidays in our family.

I scan my key card on the door. Once the small light on the handle went green I pushed down on the door knob and opened the door some, I turned around to Stevie saying, "I'm going to get changed into something I can go running in." I push the door more open with my back, rolling my suitcase into my room.

She looked hesitant as she said, "yes ma'am, I will meet you in the lobby to join you."

"I do have to remind you it is under fifty degrees outside and it's also cloudy, you don't need to get sick." She says.

The only real reason I'd go running right now is to get my mind off of things but I could also sleep to get my mind off of everything. Her points are valid, our team will kill me if I get sick and with it being under fifty degrees I wouldn't be able to focus on my run.

"You're right, I think I'll just sleep. I need it anyways." I laughed.

She laughed along with me then we said bye to one another. I'm hoping today goes by fast, because the show after this one my mom, Harry's mom and sister will be joining us till the last show which I'm excited about. I miss them, especially my mom.

Christmas Eve of 2018.

Growing up with a big family is something you love or you hate, I wouldn't say I used to 'hate' it but it was never my cup of tea if you will. But as I've gotten older and been through a very small part of life, I've grown to love it. I reckon my thoughts on it changed when I had to miss Christmas for the first time, it was the band's first tour and my flight got canceled and I was stuck at the airport. All of the guys were with their family's and friends, I didn't have the guts to call any of them.

Almost all of my family is here at granny and grandpa's farm. It feels really nice seeing them all in the same room, hearing the laughter and the conversations happening all at once. I do however miss Harry, It's been a few weeks since I saw him. It's been somewhat hard being away from him. Our initial plan was to spend thanksgiving with our family then Christmas together but it's been three days since I last heard from him. I'm not sure what I did, I can understand if he's busy— we all are. I just miss him, I hope he's okay.

I was getting annoyed after seeing the hundredth article about myself and how I'm a so-called tramp and how I live in Harry's shadows and if it wasn't for him I'd be working an eight to five. I never let them get to me, I've been called all kinds of things over the years. Especially last year when the debut album came out, things I didn't even know were a thing, I remember reading the first rude article about me how I was apparently this "know-it-all" and have a massive ego now being with the band. I laughed my ass off at it, it truly was the funniest thing I'd ever seen.