The beauty of chapters Saved

Chapter 32

I put my phone on charger and get dress in a simple floral dress after a long shower. My hair is up because of the heat and I apply the most minimum make up I can. I don’t wanna give away
the impression that I love make up to my new stepmom and my dad, I know he’ll make a stupid comment. I woke up super early that my eyes still look puffy even underneath the makeup. With
time to spare, I get a hold of my phone. A WhatsApp notification buzzes in. Michael texted again last night.

‘I found a dog.” he texted five minutes after ‘I don’t know’ then ‘Goodnight’ half an hour later when I didn’t respond.

I put the phone back down and get up to get something but everything turns blurry. A giant dark spot fields my vision and my head gets unbearably heavy. I grip onto the arm of the couch for support as my head spins a thousand times over. All ounce of energy I had escapes my body and
I crumble onto the ground, luckily my hands and knees breaks my fall. On all four, I suck in a deep breath that does not reach my lungs. Trying to get up is like fighting for dear life. My heavy
body collapse on the couch and I try to take in deeper breaths.

I need to get it together before someone walks in and sees me like this. I hold onto my empty stomach, trying hard to get on my feet and reach the kitchen. I try to push myself off but my hands have gone completely numb. My legs shake while I stand up like a stick fighting against the wind. I crouch down after two steps, get back up and crouch down again. My legs just gives
in after the third try and I find myself crawling to the kitchen. Every step looks further away than the last. But I manage to reach the entrance and I rest against the frame; taking deep breaths,
trying to gather as much strength as possible.

I remain like this for half a minute then gain the determination to push myself up. Gripping onto the island, using more my arms than legs, I then reach for the fridge, open the door and reach for the nearest juice box. My fingertips struggles to get closer, shaking with weakness. I force myself closer but nothing happens. I try once again, the cool box skims my finger and I tap it. It
goes crashing onto the floor and so do I.

The beating of my heart runs a hundred miles per hour and no matter how much I breathe nothing calms it. It’s like I’m breathing in carbon dioxide more than oxygen. I watch in pain,
mouth dry as the juice box taunts me. The wet drops invites me, dares me to make another move closer. In my mind I reach for it but physical I just fall face down near it. I swallow the saliva that seizes to exist and gather the little amount of energy with determination. I rip the straw from the side, pull it out of the plastic and shove it in the silver circle, over and over again. This is the most difficult part where as much as I try it doesn’t bulge.

Fragility and vulnerability never hurt as much as it does right now. Never have I physical felt this low and weak. I attempt seven tries before it finally punches through and I force myself in a
sitting position, the fridge as a force to keep me upright.

A tiny drop at the tip of the straw touches my lips, the taste is so small yet so sweet. I lick the area in thirst and take a small sip. The thin liquid slips through my weak lips, my tongue has to
be a backup to mop it up and it wasn’t even a big sip. Slowly I do it again, again and again until I can finally take a descent amount and swallow it without difficulty. I suck every last drop of it and everyone gives me life. Fully energised, I grab my things off the couch and head out for the bus. My body floats, extremely lighter than before. Right before the emotional weight comes back down.

My stomach growls in the bus stop. The small juice wasn’t enough. But luckily I don’t have to wait too long for a bus to pass. The sound of the powerful engine drowns the growling but the muscles do not stop pulling. I plug my earphones in, hoping the music would help me relax a bit but I was wrong for hoping. For the first time ever, music is a burden. I turn it off and go to WhatsApp instead.