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Chapter 12

Theodore keeps me company once again while I wait for the girls. I’m exhausted. I had a hard time at findinng sleep last night. My mind refused to forget about the day even if I didn’t allow it to make up fake scenarios.

“So…” I look up at him for whatever he’s about to say. “You and Michael huh. Should I expect you to start dressing up as Halloween night anytime soon?”

“He and I just have school work together.”

“Must be a big assignment. You guys have been working on it for a while.”

I shrug, not really having a response for him. He falls quiet too, noticing that I’m not in the mood to talk. I wanna eat something. I woke up early enough to have breakfast but my mouth still
wants to chew. It’s still early so I can grab something. “Do you wanna go to the store?”

He looks down at his phone before answering. “Sure, we have time.”

We pace to the nearest store together so we’ll have all the time to stroll back. Luckily for me, we reach there at a time where it’s empty. A packet of chips is the only thing I find appealing. It
won’t follow well with the scrambled eggs and baked beans but it’s good enough to keep me busy.

“Did you hear about the suicide?” Theodore asks on our way back as I munch on the chips, being extra careful that the dust doesn’t drop on my white top.

“The whole town must’ve heard about it.”

“Your mum is not using that to tighten the leash, is she?”

“Parents are blind to reasons as to why their kids might commit suicide.”

He sighs. “It’s sad that he saw suicide as the solution to whatever problem he was facing. My dad is being a total tool about it and saying that he wanted to die so we shouldn’t care. Nobody
wants to die, we just don’t want to live the life we’re currently living sometimes.”

I remain quiet. That hit home. My chewing slows down until the thing in my mouth loses taste. I force it down so I won’t have to spit. All the tiny things that overshadowed the darkness fades
out and the pain climbs up to the surface. Strong tornados of sorrow and hurt swallow me whole. Nothing he said is new. I’ve always known that dying is not what I really want. I just want to have a different life but that’s impossible. Living to just be numb or forcing yourself to feel nothing when there’s too much emotions is worse than being buried and have worms eat you inside out.

“Yo Theodore!” Tom yells across the street with a group of friends, catching both of our attention. Theodore waves at him then turns to me. “I’ll see you around.” I nod before he sprints
across the street.

I race back to the school on my own, feeling nothing and everything at the same time. All the emotions are there lurking behind the gate that exits to my physical being. My streaming tears on
the emotional side is dry on the physical. I plan on going straight to my locker and grab my stuffs for class but the girls have already arrived and they stare at me from where they’re sitting.

“Hey,” I toss the bag of chips on the table and Bryana grabs it. Her face turns sour as soon as the taste touches her tongue. She turns the packet around to look at the name. “How can you it this in the morning?” she tosses the packet back where I disposed it. Bianca is the one who grabs it this
time. She’s pinned her bangs to the side today. Probably already regretting getting it.

“Layla is trying to commit suicide too.” Lisa smiles at her phone. “With bad food.”

“Through all the places he could’ve gone to, the cemetery is what he chose.” Bianca shakes her head in disbelief. There really is no escaping this subject today.