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chapter fifty-seven scott street's gilded lily
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For the first time, Rue Newby wants to be alone.
The warmth that comes from having someone around and there for you has always been something she craved. It is the child within her that yearns for it, for love and sympathy.
During her time in California, Jonathan was her favourite company; every time he'd pick her up after therapy, even if he was stoned or with Argyle, she'd cherish every minute of it. They used to make mixtapes together, and Jonathan would take Rue out to dinner once a week, just the two of them. Because they had this quiet acknowledgement that even if their lives fell apart, they'd still have each other.
Sure, El and Will had always been the ones Rue gravitated toward in Lenora Hills, but Jonathan was different because he gets it. He understands her and pays attention. He copes and thinks in the same manner that she does. Rue enjoys making fun of the fact that they are the same person, even though Jonathan does not want her to be anything like him.
She stares at her mud-covered shoes before tucking her knees to her chest. Rue hugs her legs, realizing she misses her older brother and the rest of her family. Her eyes barely blink, and they start to burn. Tears sting in them, and she sits still, never moving while her mind can't seem to stop the racing tracks of thoughts.
She wants to go home.
I never even wanted to be here, she thinks, I didn't ask for this. I never asked for any of this. I only wanted to see my friends again. I only wanted to find myself again.
