FALLING FOR MR J

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

After taking a long hot shower, I step out with my toy in hand. Yep, I searched my bag and pulled out my favourite toy. My body was so wound up I needed a release. Yet when I walk into the living space, I see he's gone. He's not in mine or has room either. No, he's gone. I've no idea where, but I'm assuming it's police business? He's taken his radio and gun with him. It's probably a good thing though because I can't face him. After my unshameable head cleared, I felt guilty and foolish. Just like the last time. I regretted what I had done to him. I've hurt him again. I know I have because he hadn't returned that day. Hell, or that night either.
He left me alone in the hotel room with nothing to occupy my restless mind. All I had was my phone and TV... Oh, and a little text from him. It kinda made me think over my whole take on past relationships or lack of.

*Have you ever thought that I might know you better than you know yourself? I probably know you better than that prick too! Your first relationship was with a fucking DOM! How the fuck can you know anything else, especially if you won't allow "normal" in? I won't order you to do shit! If you want me as much as I want you? Then we do this together. We'd do it like people in love do. We can do all that kinky shit. If that's what you truly want? Then fine, but all that "stopping you from coming" crap? Baby, I won't do it. I want you to come when you want to come. I'll make you come all night until you tell me to stop. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see you completely lose yourself with me. Maybe if you were to try this "normal" you'd learn to like it. I'm not completely dead, Kat. I'm all for kinky shit too. But never tell me to tell you, not to come. I'm sorry, but if that seriously is your thing? Well, I'm sorry. I can't be that person for you. I'm not a selfish bastard. I'm not selfish enough to deny you that pleasure.*

Holy crap, it'd taken a while to allow that one to sink in. Of course, I made myself feel even worse by listening to all the voice mails. All I received for him too from Johnathan, not forgetting his text messages as well. They're all from him asking where I am and why I'd left his place. God, he sounded so panicked and hurt. He'd left one last message from last night. It's been a couple of days since he'd walked away from me, and in those days away from him, he's all I've thought about. Yes, I know I've fucked-up with Ches, but as I've told him I'm in a pretty bad place. I'm completely lost in what to do with myself. Do I move on and try this "vanilla" life or do I fight for him? Should I take the life I crave so much? That aside, his last message wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"Lacy... Sorry, I don't know what I should call you? But I'm at your place and I see you've up and left. Everything's gone. I know I've screwed up by walking out and for that, I'm truly sorry. Angel, I'm so fucking sorry."
He goes silent and I can just make out the sounds of a car.
"Please, come back. I'm completely lost without you. Baby, I need to see you. We need to sort this shit out. I'm sorry for what I said. Damn it. I was just shocked... all this everything that's happened... You and Stefan then finding out it was you. I pulled away because it freaked me out. However, I know now it's not true. I know you weren't helping him. I know everything now. I know because I-"
He paused again, and then I hear a rustling noise. What is he doing? Just when I think it's his connection, I hear him again. Only he's not speaking to me.

"I thought I told you to stay away from me? Shit, did you follow me?"
Silence fills my ears again, but I can hear someone in the distance. Somebody else is there talking to him. It's a male, but I can't make out who he is. He sounds familiar, but I've no clue who it could be. Instant panic sets in, especially when I hear rustling again before the line goes dead. More panic sets in and without even thinking about it, I end up calling him. I need to know he's okay because that was too weird. Unfortunately, though, all I get is his voicemail.