chapter 1

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I have been with my girlfriend Kate for 3 months now and all I've heard for the best 31 days was "Dude. When you gonna bang her" in reply I just roll my eyes. I don't see the rush. I'm only 17 anyways. Besides, I really don't want to sleep with her.

I woke up the next morning feeling awful and my throat feeling dry and my hands wet and sticky. The lights was annoyingly shining through the curtains causing my head to hurt. "Mum?!" I yelled as loud as I could. I immediately heard my mum speed walk down the hall.

"Yes Dan honey?" My mum smiled sweetly. "I'm ill" I choked. "Aw poor baby, I'll call you in" my mum kissed my forehead and rushed out of my room. I sat and looked at my ceiling thinking;

*Hmm I wonder what I'm going to miss today. I wonder if my girlfriend will miss me. I wonder if a giant robot will crush the school*

My mind drifted off and I ended up falling asleep.

(That )

"Dan?! I'm home!" My mum hollered. I heard my brother and sister giggling into the house right after her.

I pulled myself out of the bed and looked at myself in the mirror. Sweatpants, a stained sweatshirt, dark circles around my eyes and hair that could really use the assistance of a flat iron.

I walked slowly into the kitchen where I found my mum pulling out food for dinner and my brother and sister doing their homework.

"Jack, Emily, Dan, we're having pancakes for dinner" my mum said pulling out a frying pan.
"Okay?" I mumbled. My brother and sister just shrugged and returned to their homework.

My mom has a hard time supporting 3 kids and a dog sometimes. My dad left when my youngest sister Emily turned 6. She's 7 now so it's still really new. My little brother, Jack, is only 10 so it hasn't had too hard of an impact on him either. But being 17 and already having to stress over the crushing thought "what the fuck am I going to do after high school", it's been hard. I since developed trust issues and anxiety. My father was very abusive to my mom but we didn't find out until the day after he left. My dad still supports eour family but he isn't there to support us growing up and oh I don't know, attend his first kids high school graduation.

"Mummy I need help" my sister said looking puzzled. "Ask Dan" my mum said putting her dark curly hair back into a bun. "What do you need help with?" I sighed plopping down next to her at the table. "I don't know how to do this math" Emily pouted, slamming her pencil down. I gently picked the pencil back up and helped her with her homework.

"Night guys" I said as I stood up from the couch. My family was still awake- it was only 8:00pm but I didn't want to watch the lion king for the 54th time.

I threw myself into bed and checked my phone. *11 new messages* "shit" I whispered quickly opening my message app. They were all from kate..

Kate: babe
Kate: I miss you
Kate: love where were you
Kate: school sucked without you :(
Kate: Daniel
Kate: please
Kate: pj spilled yogurt on his new Jeans today
Kate: babe
Kate: I'm probably being annoying
Kate: I love you
Kate: :(

I honestly hated when Kate did this. And I hated when she threw the L word at me. I don't,know if I love her, that's a big thing to tell someone. I sighed and replied;

me: I'm sorry Kate, I was feeling very ill <3

She replied with in seconds

Kate: oh my god! I'm so glad you're okay! I love you.

LOVE.

me: goodnight babe!
Kate: goodnight daniel! I love you!

Yes, I know she wants me to say it back but I don't even know what love feels like and if I love her or not. Call me a bad boyfriend but I just let it slide when she says it and well.. I dodge it. I'll use the L word on her when I know that I feel love.

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