LUNA'S REVIEWS

She Has the Flowers

Title: She Has the Flowers
Author: skayleton
Genre: Mystery/Thriller/Romance

I want to start off by saying that this was a really cool novel to dive into! Mystery, thriller, and romance together are some of my favorite combinations, and the first few parts that are posted were awesome! There were some mistakes that I noticed, but you have a very strong foundation for an awesome novel.

Grammar/Punctuation: For the most part everything looked good. The structure is organized nicely, but there were some consistent issues with lack of punctuation. I also noticed that tenses were mixed up occasionally, but they're all easy fixes.

For example, one part that stood out to be was in part zero, where you wrote, "Wilson, Cassidy's close companion had previously been interviewed but had gained no outcome other than sheer determination to prove his innocence. But yesterday afternoon, the courts saw her observations change." These sentences contain a bit of all the main issues I noticed (and I also have questions about the information provided here, but I'll address that when I get into character development).

The first thing I noticed about this part was the misuse of possession in the first line. Wilson was not the one that gained no outcome, it was the court that had gained no outcome. Therefore, I would recommend rewriting this sentence to look something more like, "...interviewed, but showed nothing but sheer determination to prove his innocence." Also make sure to add commas before conjunctions almost always! If you're ever unsure whether or not you need a comma then just add one to be safe. This is especially important for longer sentences so that they don't turn into run-ons.

The second thing I noticed was the phrasing of the second sentence. One, I would highly advise that you never start a sentence with a conjunction if you can avoid it. Every once in a while is okay, especially if it's written into the dialogue, or if there's a part here and there you want to specifically add emphasis to. However, I've noticed it was quite consistent within your writing, so either combine the sentences, or rephrase and make use of other transition words. For example, I would recommend rewriting this last sentence as something like, "However, the court saw her observations change yesterday afternoon." The same information is here, but it's written in a way that offers some variety and flows much better.

The misuse of tense wasn't as apparent. The main example I found was in the third part, where you've written, "My whole body ached and I felt like it'll shatter into several pieces any second now." Because the majority of your story is written in past tense, I would recommend rewriting it to look like, "My whole body ached, and I felt like it would shatter into several pieces at any second." Just remember that unless it's in dialogue everything should be written in past tense.

Overall, it wasn't bad at all. It was still easy to read regardless of these issues, but I would still recommend thoroughly editing your chapters to add proper punctuation. Great job!

Title/Summary: The title isn't my favorite, if I'm being honest. It's intriguing, but with the information given so far, it doesn't make sense with the story. I'm going to assume it'll be revealed later on in your writing, in which case I would recommend alluding to that idea within your summary, so the readers can expect to learn about it later.

The summary was not as attention-grabbing as it could be, either. The first sentence is fantastic, but everything gets a little muddy after. After the first sentence you have written, "Ander Cassidy, who knew his estranged brother could never bring a good fate for him and Jamie Hyde, his ex-girlfriend who held something much valuable to the criminal. River was supposed to be the only one they were against, but when a fourth person shows up to turn things around, everything starts to go downhill. / A snitch, a thief and a serial killer stuck to figure out their common enemy." First, I want to address the grammatical and punctuational errors here. The last sentence is not a complete sentence, and the use of the word 'valuable' earlier on is the wrong tense.

For the most part, the information just feels awkwardly phrased and therefore makes it a little difficult to understand right away. I would recommend rewriting it a little differently, so that it looks something like, "Ander Cassidy, who knew his estranged brother was up to no good, and Jamie Hyde, River's ex-girlfriend that held something valuable to him. River is the common enemy, or so they thought, but everything starts to go even further downhill when someone else steps out of the shadows. / A snitch, a thief, and a serial killer are forced to work together to fix their wrongs, or pay the ultimate price." This way you can still lay out your foundation, but the information is condensed in a way that makes sense to the reader and forces them to ask questions about what's at stake within your story.

Great job overall! The information you included was important and didn't give too much away while still drawing in your audience, and that's exactly what you want the summary to do!

Plot/Character Development: I LOVE the plot. There is not one dull moment so far, the pacing is perfect, and I cannot wait to see where you take it. At this point, since you only have the first five parts posted, I can't really guess what the climax is going to be and I love that so much. There's nothing I hate more than reading the first couple chapters of a book and guessing- correctly- what the climax is going to be. That's boring. This is nowhere near boring.

The use of news headlines in your prologue to establish the setting/plot was also impressive. It captured my attention immediately and only helped my curiosity grow. Fantastic job there!

I must also commend your character development. While I have a few questions, I've decided this far that I like your characters, even River. Even if they're not necessarily relatable, you've done a very good job at introducing them to your audience by showing their thought processes, body language, and tones when speaking to others. While I'm nothing like Jamie, I found her interaction with her ex, Mike, to be completely relatable. The fact that her biggest motivator seems to be money is understandable as well. I thought you did even better with Ander, too. He's a character I have little to nothing in common with, and yet I was able to understand him completely. If I were in his shoes, I would have felt and reacted the same way.

The only thing I was really confused about was the mention of a Patricia Wilson in the news articles. You wrote that she was a close companion to River Cassidy, which makes me wonder why she's not mentioned in the previous articles as such. It would make more sense to me, especially after arguing his innocence and then accusing him of everything, that she's considered to be more than just a witness. You know? It's just a small detail that stuck out to me, but I understand if she's a character that has yet to be introduced.

OVERALL: This book has been awesome so far. It's apparent to me that you have a strong grasp on what great storytelling looks like. The only thing I would tell you to focus on is your editing, but I can understand if that's something you plan on going back to later after you've posted more, as I tend to do the same thing. This is definitely a book I would recommend to anyone that has a love for murder documentaries and all things mysterious. Keep up the fantastic work!