LUNA'S REVIEWS

The Midnight Chapter

Title: The Midnight Chapter
Author: cressandleigh
Genre: Fantasy/Young Adult/RomCom

I'll be honest, I didn't know quite what to think going into this novel. My first impression- before reading- was that it was a bit more on the childish side, that it would be cringey, but that couldn't have been further from the truth! It was written very well, I enjoyed the characters tremendously, and the concept is unlike quite what I've read before. This is an original piece well done! I would recommend it to all adolescent girls, as I feel that's the audience this novel would have the greatest impact upon.

Grammar/Punctuation: There were little to no problems at all here- at least from what I noticed. It's clear to me that you have a strong grasp on grammar and punctuation and I don't really feel like you need much feedback there. If I were to be absolutely nitpicky, I would suggest not using so many conjunctions to begin your sentences with. It's not wrong, and one or two can be okay- usually within dialogue- but they should be used to connect your sentences. While it's the most consistent issue I could find, I still didn't find it often. It stood out the most to me when the paragraphs began with 'but.'

For example, in the first chapter you wrote, "But I only thought about the years..." This, I feel like is a missed opportunity for a better transition. I think it would sound better written along the lines of, "I could only dwell on the years I wasted on being the perfect student, however." This is a personal preference, though! I just think it would work a lot better than 'but' even though it isn't technically incorrect. There was one here and there that editing could quickly find and fix, so I didn't really feel the need to highlight them here when you clearly already know how to edit/fix things.

Very well done here! Keep up the fantastic work!

Title/Summary: I grew to like the title, actually. It didn't particularly stand out to me at first, but it did make sense after reading the summary and finding out the two main characters would be trapped in a book. It almost feels like the title is referring to the point of climax later on in the story, which I hope it is because that would be really cool. It feels very ominous.

The summary was not my favorite. Not that it was written badly- it was written exceptionally well- but you're giving the reader way too much information. Honestly? I thought the very first paragraph was fine on its own because it's to the point while still summarizing the plot, and you include just enough detail to catch your audience's attention.

The additional information after that was helpful, but too much. The first paragraph was fine, and I would personally recommend including it on a page with your aesthetics, or something like that. The second paragraph is a summarization of the first five chapters, and because you're trying to include so much information in such a tiny space, it starts to overcrowd itself and stop making sense. The first couple sentences you wrote, "But when Claire's early application gets rejected, and Jo gets the chance to audition for a real band in a twenty-one-plus venue, the two girls go to a party so Claire can redefine herself and Jo can get a fake ID. They expect the night to end with fries and milkshakes, not getting transported into Claire's favorite book, a medieval fantasy romance novel called Swords and Roses, with no idea as to how or why."

There is a LOT to unpack here. My first time through I had to read this paragraph twice to make sure I read everything thoroughly, and I still felt confused after. Once I read the first five chapters this all mostly made sense, but I was overwhelmed my first time through it. It goes from a party, to getting fries and milkshakes, to getting sucked into a book. Without a lot more explanation that seems very random and unrelated, which really confused me. I would honestly advise taking it out completely. You've already got a pretty solid hook at the very start, so stick with that.

The last two paragraphs are better, but still unneeded. Again, these are something I would pair with the aesthetics you've made.

I do also want to point out that while I thought your aesthetics were well done, it was a turn-off to have to flip through so many parts before I could start reading. This is more of a personal preference, so really- do what you want- but I feel books should have at most three parts of introductories before the writing begins. It is nicely organized, but I think the aesthetics could be condensed down to just one chapter.

While I do think some improvements could be made here, you've still done a great job!

Plot/Character Development: I genuinely LOVED the character development! You did an outstanding job at introducing Claire and Jo, and you made them extremely relatable. It truly impressed me how well this was done because you were able to show your audience who your characters are instead of just telling us. The details were immaculate. The reactions were realistic and made sense based on their personalities and environments. I have no criticisms here, honestly. Keep up the fantastic work!

When it comes to the plot, I'm not sure how I feel. You've painted a very mature picture in the first four chapters, so it almost feels very childish that you've built this world and created all this thought-provoking tension only to have them sucked into Claire's favorite book. Honestly, it doesn't make sense to me that Jo got sucked in with her. It seems you tried to build a connection between Swords and Roses and Jo by including the scene in which Claire explains it to her, but it's not enough to me. Claire has grown up with this book that was given to her by her drunk, emotionally unavailable father, but Jo has no deep, emotional connection to it. She's more worried about becoming a rock star. If it was something that deeply connected them since they became friends in sixth grade, that would make more sense to me.

If I'm being completely honest, I'm almost disappointed that they're being sucked into a medieval fantasy novel. I think the idea is really cool, but it doesn't completely fit the world you've built and the characters you've created. I really wanted to keep reading about how they continued to handle real life. I wanted Jo to join that band and take Claire with her on some huge runaway adventure, you know? I want to watch Claire come out of her shell with real life people and see how she interacts with them. I want to see how Jo's popularity and Claire's need for security clashed when they were on their own in the real world.

Again, that is just my own personal opinion, though. The idea itself is super cool, and you did a good job writing it out- especially the detail with the AC in the car. I thought that was quite clever. Keep writing whatever you want to write and well done!

OVERALL: You should be proud of yourself for the work you've done so far! Your writing style was awesome, your characters are awesome, and your ideas are insanely creative! Like I said, this would definitely be a book I'd recommend for any teenage girl, as it was relatable and very interactive. I'm really happy I got to read it, and look forward to seeing you succeed!