everything just for you

him

tw: abuse, smoking, mention of alcohol

right now i was in my room, sitting on a small couch i had right next to my window. i was looking at the view as the songs i had in my headphones were blasting into my ears. i felt tears running down my cheeks when i heard glass getting smashed to the ground.

my mum and dad were arguing again, i hate when they do. it was all because of me, i got an F on my math test that i studied really hard on but my dad wasn't really happy when he found out.

he started yelling at me for being such a failure and as soon as my mum tried to back me up he started being mean to her too and then they started arguing so i ran into my room and locked the door. i couldn't help but blame myself.

i loved my mum, she just wanted me to be happy. she was really caring and kind.

but my dad.. he was okay until i turned 9, he started drinking. since then he was never really there for me. he wasn't there for my 10th birthday, he wasn't there for any of my birthdays, to be honest. 

he was here, but not here.

i had a happy life, really, but only when my dad wasn't there.

i loved my friends and school, i was kind of a nerd but i only studied hard to make my parents proud. i wasn't really popular, but my friends were. i was just kinda there. i was the second choice when they broke up with their boyfriends or when their other friends weren't there at the moment. of course, i did mind but i was happy i had friends.

my life was boring. i didn't smoke, didn't drink, or ever had a boyfriend. everyone i knew was smoking or drinking or has boyfriends. but i didn't want to. i mean, i'm only 13. 

my friends were older than me. Kiara and Noel were both 16. i was there for them but they weren't really there for me. 

-

i heard a big bang and then silent. i took my headphones out of my ears and my eyes widened. they were so many thoughts in my head of what could've happened. suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by someone banging on my door.

"Cassie open the door right now! why is it locked?!" the person on the other side yelled, it was my dad. i was really scared of him and i didn't know what to do.

i wasn't really thinking at the moment. i grabbed my phone, headphones and money. i opened my window and carefully jumped out. my room wasn't so high so i jumped right on the grass.

i heard my door being kicked out so i started running really fast. i don't even know how long i was running but i stopped because i was out of breath. i walked towards a park and sat down on a swing. i pulled out my headphones from my pocket and plugged them into my phone, i went on Spotify and clicked on my playlist.

i closed my eyes let myself breath.

with your feet on the air and your head on the ground

i let myself relax.

try this trick and spin it, your head will collapse

i opened my phone and looked at my notification

if there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself

it was from my dad, i read the messages. "you are a failure" "never come back to this house".

where is my mind?

where is my mind?

where is my mind?

i started tearing up a little, why was my dad so mean?

i heard someone walking behind me. i turned around and saw a boy walking toward me, i paused the song and looked at him.

"hey" the unfamiliar boy said, why was he out here alone?

"hi" i said quietly, not knowing what to do.

he didn't say anything just sat down next to me on the other swing. as he sat down i realized he had a cigarette and his left hand.

we just sat there next to each other not saying anything. i put my right earphone in my ear and my hand handed him the left one, he took it and i started playing the previous song.

i was swimmin' in the Caribbean

the boy closed his eyes and bumped his head a little to the rhythm.

animals were hidin' behind the rock

his eyes were closed, i started to look at him. he had slight freckles on his cheeks under his eyes. his hair is dark brown, fluffy. his eyes i noticed were brown. he had a really nice body and veiny hands. he looked really handsome if you ask me.

finally, the song stops. he opens his eyes and looks into mine. 

"Axel" he introduced himself to me. i smiled and introduced myself too, "Cassie" he smirked.

"nice to meet you Cassie, what are you doing out here alone at night?" he asked me, i don't want him to know what happened yet "i don't really know, what about you?" i asked calmly his answer was the same.

we were talking for a long time and i really started to like him, i also found out he was 17, but age is just a number right?

when i said i was 13 i was really nervous he would leave but he said he didn't mind, which is good right?

we now sat on a bench next to the swings, talking again. him on left, me on the right.

his right hand moved to me with a cigarette between his fingers, which meant for me to take it but i shook my head. "no sorry i don't smoke" i apologized, "whatever" he mumbles before taking a puff from the cig.

oh no, is he mad at me? i don't want him to be mad at me. what if he leaves? fuck it.

i took the cigarette from him and put it to my lips before inhaling the smoke in my lungs.  i looked at him and saw him smiling as if he realized something but i shook it off. i handed him the cigarette back and just stared at the ground. why did i do that?

i kinda liked the feeling. we were sitting there just talking again about things, i took the cig sometimes, i don't know why.

i looked at my phone to see a lot of missed phone calls from my mum, i also saw that it was almost 3 am. "don't you have to go home?" Axel's deep voice spoke, i looked down feeling nervous. "i don't really have where to" i said and he looked as if he was thinking. "you can stay at my place" he suggested, "really??" i asked happily, i don't even know him but i felt so safe with him.

he nodded and stood up, me as well. he took my hand and started walking toward his house.