as the tears roll down your cheeks as if they were racing to get to the bottom, the gap in my stomach grows.
it grows, consuming my stomach into it's own, taking everything left with it.
because watching the tears fall down your face because of something i can't control about myself,
makes me feel horrible.
all of it makes me want to rip that part out of myself.
the gap in my stomach grows larger and larger until it consumes my every thought and action.
my voice grows quieter as i feel so guilty that even my own words fail on the tip of my tounge.
why am i acting this way?
why were you crying in the first place?
because i was born in the wrong body?
because i just want you to understand that if i could change this, change myself for you and everyone else around me, i would?
for myself even?
because i can't control myself when i look in the mirror and see someone i don't want to see, don't even want to look at. when i spit hatefull words out of my mouth just to come right back at me,
is that when you want me to change?
when you want me to be the perfect little girl you thought i would grow up to be,
the perfect little girl that wanted to kiss boys and got all straight A's.
i'm so sorry that i couldn't be that for you, not for anyone, not for myself.
but i can't control it,
so why are you crying again?
