In the Deep

Chapter 20

  Taj P.O.V
         How can I still be horny? How am I not completely disgusted by his actions? How can I be here wishing he was hugging me ? I must be crazy?
  I was never one to fantasize about how my virginity would be taken because I have been making myself cumm since watching Original Sin in grade  7 and seeing  Luis fucking Bonny.
      I am happy it was him but  I knew it was wrong even before saw the regrett in his eye, or mybe it's the alcohol in my system making me feel this way. The feminist in me know this was borderline rape but the freak in me wish he would have done more. I saw the regrett and jumped at the chance of making him feel bad I couldn't let him think his actions were right.......I am so confused, I started to cry again. Because I knew this wasn't what we wanted....I backed a gun on him and he was still apologizing. I  felt scared at one point then anger but after taking a shower and coming to see the bed empty. I just wanted him to find away back in and hugged me to sleep.
    So here I am twisting and turning wondering how the fuck to get my mind right. Getting out of bed I felt sore, the pain gave me a bitter sweet feeling. I never saw him as jealous a bit territorial yes. Why would he be jealous of me? He has been with more mature women than me.
    Twisting the nob on the door i didnt have a destination in mind just didnt want to be in that room alone. I was startled to find Jason sitting outside my door with his head down. Fada God please mi can't tek no more drama. Sliding down beside him not knowing what to say. It's not like he knows what happen, something must have happened between him and shan.
     "I am sorry" his voice held sadness and with  his words came understanding it dawned on me
    " you know?.h.ho..ho.how?" My voice cracked
    " I know him and is impulses" he looked up and I can see that he is concerned
   " I am fine,things just got a little out of hand " I tried to assure him not wanting to be the reason for a fall out between the two of them. The tears ran down my face with out controll.
     "You are important to me as well enno" he wiped my tears which brought attention to his brused knuckles. Please tell me he didn't start a fight with him.
    " you didn't? Jay tell mi unno no fight!" He shook is head
    " him never fight back. Which is a first cause him love throw fist" he chuckled at his dark humor
     " weh him deh?" My heart is leaping out of chest how could diss be....Jesus man mi can't catch a break.
   " if your hand look so imagin him face !" I get up off the ground and head in search of Justin
    "Tij leave him alone!" Jason shouted after me but I wasn't listening to him.
    I knew he did it for me but I didn't ask him to, not that Justin didn't deserve a punch in the face but from me not him.
      "Taj! Tij!!" Jason dragged me by the hand
   "... stop and listen to me no!" his eyes were pleading " give him space. He needs to come to terms with what happened with you, I know him and he isn't happy about it"  is he crazy ?  I need to be with him.
    " let him tell me that!" I pulled away from him and walked off towards the living room.
     "You stubborn enno but a nuff mi fucking nuff cause is clear say di two a unno bloodclat mad!" Hissing my teeth I walked away in search of Justin.
      Heading towards his door I tired the handle and it was opened thank god. Taking a deep breath I pushed forward. He was sitting on the floor (what is with them and the floor ?). " Justin?" I called his name three times before he looked in my direction.
      "Justin, are you OK?" I took slow guarded steps toward him. Tears pooled in his eyes as he looked at me crouched infront of him.
     " I never ment to hurt you. I am so sorry....I was out if control...I blacked out! How could I let this happen.. with you....I thought I had it under control." He mumbled words and I tried to keep up with what he was saying but couldn't. This was apart of him I didn't even knew existed. Broken and filled with trauma. I wanted to be by his side to help him be better I knew I couldn't leave him like this.
          " hey....hey....shhhhhhhhh" I held his hands to get him off the floor. I lead him to the bed to sit on the edge.
     " I am fine. You will be fine. Just give me the change to get your face cleaned up."  His face was swolen and he had a few bruies along his jaw. Jason was really pissed off with him.
    Walking to his bathroom I got a rag and ran it under the warm water. Walking back to the room he was sitting  in the same position as before. He allowed me to clean his face without a flinch it was as if he had checked out of reality and his body was the only thing present. I blame myself for this I pushed him too far. Taking in his attire he was still in the underpants with my blood stain on it. I search around until I found a clean pair, I them went back to the bathroom and wet another rag to clean him up.
     After getting him cleaned and changed I got him to lay down with me. He seemed calmer than before.  We didn't speak but he hugged me and I felt as if the happenings of tonight was just a bad dream. I know him and even tho I  have seen his darker side I still find myself loving him. He needs me and this moment proves it. We are both alone but together we can find peace and happiness I am sure of it.
     "I love you" he spoke as I turned and kiss his chest
     " I think I love you too" I kissed his busted lips
    " I will do everything to earn your trust and forgiveness.
    "I think you will have it sooner than you think" with that he pulled me closer and I slowly drifted to sleep with the thought of how much is happening in such a short period of time.