In the Deep

Chapter 17

        I woke up to the sound of my alarm dragging myself out of bed and plop down on the toilet to empty my full bladder. I took a deep breath. " i can do this....I can get through this" I gave myself a pep talk. I was trying to find  the word to say to Justin. I have no where to go and i really don't want him to think that I am moving fast or that I want to tie him down. We haven't even had sex yet. How will he take all this.
      I did my morning hygiene and head for the kitchen. The place was quiet and and i felt at peace. Gathering the ingredients from the well stocked fridge I felt like having a everything ommelt.  After assembling my ommelt I paired it with a cup of coffee sat down and enjoy my meal.
       Cleaning up the mess I made and started to wash the dishes.
    "Taj?" I turn around to we a confused looking Justin
     This is uncomfortable and i can feel myself panicking.
    "I aww.....I had a fight with Jason and Shan then got into it with my mom and I didn't know  where to go...." I blurted not giving him room to reply  ".....I came here and  couldn't get in and  Miss P found me crying and I was just so confused and tired I forgot that you weren't home and now I feel so stupid" i dipped my hands in the towel trying to get away before the tears started.
    I tried to pass him but he held on to me " it's fine that you are here....Jason call and  told me they weren't getting to you, are you ok ?" He rubbed my upper arm in a caring way.
   " i was expecting you to be mad at me"   I look to see if he was but all I saw was concern.
      " it's good to know your ok.....but"
"What do we have here" a tall slender woman who was no dought closely related to him.
  "Mom this is Tajee a close friend to me and Jason" friend I felt my heart ache. What did you expect ? The small voice in my head asked.
      "Well young lady shouldn't you be better attired?" She asked casting a judgmental look at my boy shorts and tank top.
    " i am really sorry about this " I said walking away with tears on my cheek
"Really mommy?" I heard him asked "Taj!!!" he called but i was already making my way back to the room.
      I am only his friend that all he thought if me his Fucking friend. I harshly wiped tears for  my eyes. How stupid of me to think so much of myself.
Walking around picking up my things that have scattered over the room and stuffing them it any bag they would fit. I belong nowhere the realization made my knees weak. Sliding to the floor crying out my eyes.
        He enters the room " Taj" he spoke has if not to scare me or to sooth me " i am sorry about my mother " he sighed deeply " she doesn't know when to be nice"
  His mother's words were mot the trigger of my tears
   " And it seem neither does her son" he looked confused
    "It doesn't matter tho cause our 'Friendship' is all there is " i said rolling my puffy eyes
      "Don't be like that" he said shaking is head "what did you want me to say to her?" I open my mouth to Answer but he continues
" mom this is the girl I am dating might I add she is in upper sixth form " i laughed dryly
   "You reading too many book Taj....di world no work so"
     "I shouldn't have come here" I stood to my feet and pulling on a sweat pants remembering his mother's words.
     " where going?"
     " i dont know Justin!" I shouted
     " somewhere that I feel welcome  and comfortable" I sobbed "i am tired of feeling  like I am not wanted or I am forcing ppl to be around me!" I let's it all out a d he hugged me tightly
    "You are wanted. I want you to be here" I spoke in a gentle tone.
     "Stay ok" and I sighed in return because in all honesty where would I go?
         
      I was left alone and after a few hours I felt a little better it was not 2 in the afternoon and I was finishing up the last of my collage applications. I will be graduating soon and university will be harder than night school.
My eyes hurts d I feel a bit hungry but i wasn't sure if Justin's mom is still here  and god know mi no wah diss har. Taking a deep breath i stood to leave the room. Only to be greeted by Shan.
     " Girl you just go m.i.a pan mi so!" She look  pissed
   "Just did need some time alone"
"Time alone and no text mi! All how yuh madda deal wid mi like shit yesterday girl...." she laid across the bed.
    " .......mi feel away yuh see" I saw the pain in her eyes
   "Sorry bout dat " i gave her a small smile
   " is a good thing Justin tell mi yuh ova yah....but Why yuh eyes dem look like yuh no stop cry ?" She took in my body from head to toe
"Cheer up no memba we a touch road tonight!" She giggled and stick out the tongue she's happy and I couldn't help but smile
    "Yuh too much enno gal" I rolled my eyes  
   "Nail tech time yah now so change and mek wi leave, yuh man a braff wi" she grinn 
   " need to get my hair done to " i said looking at the fussy mess on my head
   " mi know girl..Mi call Stacy from yesterday"
  "good move sista" I felt better knowing  she was here with me, we spent the rest of the day getting ready for Ruppings party and tossing aside all the other problems in our life.
       We got to the salon where we ran into the other girls. Stacy use to attend our school after 11 grade she got a  trade and rented a shop she is doing good for herself. Found her calling cause the girl bad pon the hair thing. I got a simple ponytail while Shan an the other installed wigs. They looked cute but uniformed, not my style. The day with them was a little odd and talking was limited. I guess yesterday is still freash in everyone's mind except my Sister.
      We got back to the house a little after   7 we were out for over 4 hours.
  "God know mi wah sleep" I dropped on the bed
    "No badda wid it enno, cause if you drop a sleep me ago sleep to and mi nah miss diss tonight !" She really a gwaan ova one dance
    " What so special bout this dance girl? " i really wanted to know
" nothing just long  time  wi no go no weh" I felt bad cause it's true school and Justin. Not to mention the constant drama.
  "  Sorry mi can't spend time like we use to " i said patting the space beside me so she could lay down
    "Yea mi know you focus pon school and now that you find man...mek it worse" we both laughed
     We became quite and seem to be consumed by our own thoughts
  "He told his mother we are friends" I didn't even know if she heard me so I sighed
    "Mi ago diss him up" getting off the bed I started to panic
"No!!!!" How the hell mi ago stop her
" wait till after the party" I held on to her 
" No badda bruck the vybez" I pleaded
   "Mi no care " she hiss "likkle mamma bwoy!" rolling her eyes she sat on the bed
   "Tomorrow nah pass!" She laid down.
Fada Gad help mi deal wid diss gyal.