Mismatched

arousing sadness

I woke up to the sound of my cat scratching at the door, she wakes me up every morning to get out of my room. I stumbled out of bed and sleepily opened the door then I found myself lying back down.

It took me about 30 rough seconds to realise that I had to wake up in half an hour anyway, and my makeup took an hour if i was bothered to put something "decent" looking on my face. I checked my phone for messages from this stupid boy who was stupid and can't hold a stupid conversation. Maybe he was stupid, but thought I loved his stupid ass, even over the fucking internet. It was 6:30AM for fuck sake, and i didn't even know what I expected? A mass text of apologises?

The night before we had our first fight. It wasn't dramatic, but because I'm a insomniac and a thinker, i tend to over think the situation a lot. he opened my message and there was no reply. The message was most likely just my stupid face, making a ironic stupid face; but unfortunately i was attached to his ass so he had to put up with me obsessing over him, even though it was my friends that took most of the fault.

I thought at first "oh, no reply? he's just busy" but after sending a few follow up messages, (nothing obviously obsessive, just the usual "hey", "this is really annoying me" and "agh") he didn't reply to any. I took measures into my own hands and told him that annoyed me, and this wasn't the first time, but it was the first time he refused to ignore my actual messages. After that he said "I'm just in a horrible mood." with nothing else. "well so am I!" I protested back, but he simply said "maybe we shouldn't talk to each other." and so we didn't.

He apologised the next morning, but after a day of him being ignorant, I asked why he barely replied to any of my attempts of my conversation, until he simply said "i just don't know what to talk about" which is completely outrageous.

I wouldn't of cared if he told me about how his last argument with his mum went, or if he explained to me how he thinks this blue and green ball of 'earth' we live on rotates on works, I just wanted the words to come from his sad mind. "what do you talk to other girls about?" to which I wanted him to reply something incredibly cute like "what other girls?" or something along the lines of, but he actually proceeded to tell me what he talked to other girls about, which was basically the exact same things he said to me.

Once it was different. We got into to something really deep. It was 4:00AM and I was partly drunk to arouse the sadness build up inside me, which was what the conversation was about. Sadness, plus basically all things emotional. But besides that one night, I was just another girl. I was just another girl that thought he genially liked. Hell, maybe even more then liked.

so i had a shower, thought a lot and then came to the conclusion that i would write this book about my shitty life, shitty body, and shitty personality.