So I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm thinking.
I hate thinking, I seem to get stuck in this abyss of sadness and my brain washed over and I feel like I'm drowning and then, suddenly I am. My sadness fills my lungs and I feel heavy and my hands hurt and my legs start to shake and my thinking overwhelms me and the only way I can stop it is by sleeping, which barley ever happens.
So I'm here, sitting with my calming colouring book I brought, 9 days before my birthday, for myself.
Last night I cried because no one can make it to my birthday. My friends are either out of town or busy or other things. I've been alone for the past 4 years on my birthday.
So I'm here, with my current boyfriend avoiding everything that's upsetting me so I don't upset him myself, which, is overly easy.
But sometimes, I want to tell him and vent and rant but I know that I'm just going to make myself sad and him sad and all of a sudden one of us has to leave and then we're both sad and can't think straight and we both have the shaky knees and foggy lungs and everything is a mess.
So here I am, and if all the I love you's in this world could account and string together to make me feel less like myself, I'd be set forever.
Unless they have to be real I love you's.
So here I am, alive.
And that's all I can manage to be some days.
Alive.
YOU ARE READING
Mismatched
PoetryI'm depressed and my heads cluttered with so many words and thoughts, but i wouldn't simply know how to 'describe' this writing article. Simply, its just me writing out my thoughts and feeling whilst being in the mist of depression. **trigger warni...
