[3] Code: REBIRTH || KTH

Ch24: Seokjin's Letter

Taehyung's grief is an ocean. It comes in waves. One minute the sun shining through the windows is so bright that it warms up his heart, and the next he's looking beside him to find the bed empty and he suddenly can't breathe. One minute he hums to himself a familiar song while fantasizing about dancing in the rain, and the next he's sobbing on the bathroom floor with a silver bracelet in his hand. His grief is a storm in the sea, violent and unpredictable, and everytime the clouds part to let the sun shine through, the tides rock his ship and it tips over and he is drowning and there is nothing to hold onto except the relief of knowing he'll die soon.

Although he's not sure what comes after that. Will he join her in an afterlife? Or will he watch her from hell while her soul thrives in heaven? Will he simply cease to exist? Whatever it is, he doesn't care. He wants it now. He wants this to end.

Days pass by in a blur.

There's his job, keeping him somewhat sane.

There's a silver bracelet with tiny butterflies, keeping him up at night.

There's Seol's apartment that he and Yoongi took a whole week to empty out, and not because it had many things, but because every step inside it is a punch to the gut.

There's an ongoing investigation with the police calling him in to the station every few days to repeat his statements as if they didn't believe him, as if he'd slip up and admit he had killed her so that they have a reason to give him the death sentence.

There's a silent agreement between him and Yoongi to not mention her name, a silent agreement to not talk about the toll it took on each of them, to sometimes sit in silence staring at nothing knowing the other is thinking of the same thing without saying it out loud.

And there's a letter in Seokjin's handwriting hidden in Taehyung's drawer, waiting to be read.

It takes Taehyung two weeks after the funeral to muster up his courage to read the letter. His hands shake as he unfolds the thin sheet of paper, and he forces his eyes to read.

Dear Taehyung,

I'm dead. Maybe getting a death penalty isn't the best way to go, but I believe t's heroic. I only don't want my end to be on their hands. So I've decided to do it myself. I know you may see it as cowardice, but I'm proud of it. I always knew this was the way I would go. I knew I was giving myself the death penalty and digging my own grave the moment I hacked the broadcasting system and announced The Riot.

The Riot. Do you think this is how they'll refer to it in history books, like I intended? Or will it be The Prison Genocide? What about the concentration camps? Do you think they'll mention how they tortured our kind to death?

And me. They call me a terrorist now. I've seen it on the news. I've heard the prison guards. I wonder how they'll refer to me in history books. If they ever will. I sound a bit narcissistic now, don't I? You called me narcissistic the other day. I think I am a bit narcissistic. I can't get the thought of being a hero out of my head. I'm sure this is how hybrids will remember me from now on.

Prison isn't much different from the experimental labs I grew up in. It's quite ironic, isn't it? I escaped from there, started The Riot to end places like that, then ended up in one. But I don't have any regrets, Taehyung. Neither should you. You've been a hero, too, you know. Everytime you think about the concentration camps, remember the kids we saved from the labs. And the ones we saved from the C.R.S. We gave voice to the weak, Taehyung. We. Are. Heroes. And nothing will change that.

I almost forgot. On our last meeting, it was the first snow and I told you to make a wish. I made a wish, too. I wished you wouldn't be ashamed of me. That you would say I am a hero and what I did is right and you would brag about our 10 years long friendship.

Seokjin.

Taehyung crumples the letter and chucks it across the room. Heroes, my ass. He chuckles to himself at the irony. Heroes for what? For killing people? For causing hundreds of hybrids to be tortured to death? For causing his girlfriend's death? The Code laws being abolished did nothing. Hybrids are still being unfairly killed, the courts still rule in the humans' favour, hate crimes are at their peak. What did he and Seokjin do but make the situation worse? Rights for education and health care? What good is education when the hybrid children are bullied to the point of suicide? What good is the health care when the emergency lines refuse to aid hybrids? And he thought he could bring about change.

Taehyung curses under his breath, grabbing the closest thing to him and hurls it towards the wall. He flinches when his phone smashes, and he realises he destroyed something else precious to him. Seol had given him that phone. Why does he ruin everything he touches?

The bedroom door swings open and Yoongi steps in, his eyes falling first on Taehyung, then on the broken phone on the floor, then back on Taehyung.

"Stop acting like a fucking teenager," Yoongi spits before walking out.