His Last Chance

Chapter 33

I can't stop thinking about it.

What an incredible opportunity it is. To move to Spain, to co-direct with one of the most incredible Spanish film-makers perhaps of all time.

I even used to idolise Pedro Almodovar.

He seemed to have a soft spot for Penelope Cruz, as she had and still does often feature in his film. She'd be in this one too.

But it's such a sacrifice. To leave everything behind for I don't even know how long.

Martin isn't as enthusiastic about this film as I am, and I do understand, I just wish he'd be a bit more open minded about it. All he's worried about at the moment is meeting Timothee Chalamet which, yeah I get it, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Is it selfish for me to think about going at it alone?

I jump as a hand comes down on my shoulder and gently nudges me.

"Y/n?" Jamie's blue eyes meet mine, and his face is creased with concern.

"Hmm? Yeah, what's up?"

"Are you okay? You were.... I don't know. You were completely out of it. I called your name a few times but you didn't even flinch."

A sigh and rub my eyes. "Sorry, I'm just really tired."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, of course," I give him a smile, but it feels weak.

"Come on, I know you. Something's up, what is it?"

"It's really stupid. And unimportant. And selfish of me to even be considering it."

He takes a seat in the armchair opposite me and I adjust my position so I'm sat with my legs crossed.

"Tell me," he says encouragingly.

I can't meet his eye. "Right, well, it's just that there's this opportunity. Martin and I were looking at contracts for our next film, and we had quite a spread of options. Some good ones, some not quite so promising ones. And there was this one film that caught my eye. It's called Dolor y Gloria - Pain and Glory - and it's one that we'd be co-directing with this really amazing director called Pedro Almodovar. It's a cool idea, but it's not going to happen so I just need to forget about it."

"Why do you need to forget about it?"

"Because it won't happen."

"But why?"

"Because, Jamie, in case you couldn't tell, the film's Spanish. And it's being filmed in Spain. So we'd have to relocate. And I don't know how long it'd take to cast, shoot, edit. Everything. So I'd lose my house, we'd lose the studio, I'd lose.... you."

He sits back in the chair and folds his arms, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"I'm sorry," I look down at my hands. "I know I shouldn't even be considering it. Like I said, it's selfish. I could never expect you or Martin to give up your lives to come with me, and I could never leave you behind and go alone. Besides, he's desperate to do Little Women because he's hell-bent on meeting Timothee Chalamet. I can at least give him that."

"Okay, please don't apologise. There's nothing to be sorry for, honestly."

"I just feel like-"

"No," he leans forward again. "It's not at all selfish for you to be considering a truly incredible opportunity. If Martin could see how much this meant to you, he would actually be thinking about it too, rather than focusing on meeting what-his-face."

"Yeah but he also doesn't know how to speak Spanish, so he'd be totally clueless."

"I'll bet that the majority of the people you'd work with will speak English. Besides, you speak Spanish, so you could interpret, and he could pick up the language along the way, right?"

"Maybe..... I guess so. If he'd be willing though, which he definitely is not."

"Well perhaps he needs to be more open-minded."

"Do you wanna be the one to tell him that?" I raise my eyebrow, and he laughs a bit.

"Not really, but I'd do it for you."

I give him a small smile, which quickly fades. "And what about us?"

"What about us?"

"Well what will happen to us? I could never ask you to move for me."

"Why not?"

"Um, because think about how much I'm asking you to leave behind. It's not like I'm suggesting that we just move to the town next door, we're talking about another country."

"Y/n, when I was still with the band, we used to travel all around the world. And I've been in so many different places for films and shows. Honestly, it's not a massive deal. Besides, I could find a casting in Spain."

"You don't speak Spanish."

"Then I'll put myself on hold for a year. Without sounding big-headed or anything, I've got more than enough money for us to live off of while we're there. That is, if you're happy to move in with me?" he looks at me through his floppy blonde hair.

"Well, you know, this is all hypothetical of course. Martin hasn't agreed or anything, and nothing's final."

"Oh, of course," he drops his gaze, suddenly seeming shy.

Jamie. Shy. Never thought I'd see the day.

"But," I continue. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to take the offer and move to Spain..... I wouldn't be against living with you? In a lovely hypothetical flat. Might even get a nice hypothetical car if it's a bit away from our hypothetical new studio."

He looks up at me again, a shadow of a smile on his face. "Really?"

"Hypothetically really," I grin at him.

It seems as though we've made this hypothetical agreement.

But now I need to speak to Martin. Realistically.