Future vs Past

33

I didn't want to admit it but Jake's death had been hard enough to not want to see anyone.

Considering Phoebe now could sense our emotions again and I was out of the anti-empath potion and right now it felt painful to create another one because it'll remind me of who made it, I did not want to be around someone who'd remind me of my lost every second by giving me those pitiful eyes and her soft 'how are you holding up, sweetie?'

I hated it.

It made me remember of my Phoebe, of the mother I knew in my time and it was frustrating to remind myself that she wasn't.

It was one of the reasons why I avoided being at the Manor the last couple of days, simply beaming here and there to places very often so it would be hard for Chris to actually pinpoint my location.

I was avoiding him too. A part of me blamed him too. Him and his brother. His family (which was mine too, therefore I blamed me too). It was difficult to see him and not remember Jake and my best friend were dead because of something we did, something he was part of.

It was unfair to him. But heartbreak was always difficult to manage. It was difficult for me to manage heartbreak. I did the same thing when my family was broken the first time. When dad was forced to leave us, when he was locked up in Cupid Island.

I've always struggled with both parts of me, so it wasn't a surprise when I was hurt I wasn't able to manage. Mom knew how to work with me on that. But she wasn't here. No one was

I was alone in how I felt.

And it was dangerous.

It was how he found me.

~8~

One of the beamings sent me to the top of the Golden Bridge, my hair lightly wiping back due to the cold breeze and despite of getting gossegumbs on my jacket-less figure, I did nothing to warm my body. I simply stared off to the distance.

I wasn't going to jump though. I wasn't that dramatic.

I couldn't concentrate, my mind wouldn't shut up, static ringing through my ears as I stared dumbly ahead.

It was safe to say that I didn't notice the pink heart forming at my side as someone beamed next to me.

"Amelia?" I easily recognized the voice and that sent another pang through my heart, which made me recover my senses, turning my slightly misty eyes toward the source of the voice, finding a worried Coop giving me a soft, concerned smile. "Hey, welcome back, I didn't think you noticed my presence"

I furrowed my eyebrows, "How long have you been here?"

And why, was the unspoken question.

Coop seemed slightly confused but quickly sent me a reassuring smile, "Not long ago" I looked away, staring to the distance. It was difficult to see him too. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am" I replied absent-mindedly, a tad defensive.

Coop tilted his head. "That's not quite true, is it?"

Of course. I could never hide my state from my dad, what made me think differently of who wasn't my dad yet?

"I don't know what you're talking about" I refused to break. More than I already was, of course.

"Amelia" that's the name I introduced myself to him, "You're not a normal cupid" I snapped my eyes to him in alarm. He didn't look confused nor upset. He simply stared at me curiously. "I always knew there was something different about you"

"I don't know what you're talking about" I repeated forcefully, my heart starting to race in panic.

Half cupids weren't common. They were forbidden at this time. He couldn't know. He couldn't tell anyone.