the girl in the corner.

episode 17: that definitely meant nothing.

just what was i thinking?

why'd i do that? i probably made her uncomfortable...

that night in the next district, i took suzuki home way earlier than the intended time. none of us uttered a word throughout the entire journey back to our houses, and that only made me feel worse about what i'd done.

surprisingly, i slept very well that night. it was a weekend, so i didn't get to see suzuki for two days. it wasn't like school was the only place we were able to meet—we live in the same district—it was just that.. i guess we were both too shaken by what occurred that night to talk to each other.

for a whole two days, suzuki and i hadn't exchanged texts or calls. it honestly made me regret ever taking her to the next district. i definitely made her uncomfortable.

just what was i thinking? why did i invade her personal space like that?

at school, i desperately wanted to see suzuki and explain the entire thing to her. i missed that girl so much, and it had only been two days since i last talked to her.

two days is still too much. we talk every day.

when i came into the classroom, i didn't find suzuki at her seat. in fact, i only found momoko and her friends. i didn't even stay a second to hear momoko's "good morning" as i immediately rushed to the place i thought suzuki would be at other than the classroom, and that was the rooftop.

i walked into the rooftop gasping for breath. i'd run all the way up the stairs to get here as soon as possible. i didn't find suzuki in my field of view, so i wandered around the rooftop calling her name until i found her or got a response.

in some moments, i found suzuki in a more secluded area of the rooftop. she had her back to me, and i resisted the urge to run up to her and pull her into the tightest hug i could muster.

i wanted to do that, i did, but instead i walked towards her slowly. suzuki heard my footsteps approaching her and she turned around to see who it was. a rosy color creeped into her cheeks and she immediately turned the other way. i sighed and stood behind her.

"suzuki, look at me," i pleaded. she didn't budge, and instead shrunk into herself. i sighed and tried again.

"suzuki, please, let me see you. i want to talk to you."

there was a few more moments before she hesitantly turned to face me. those eyes of hers were glittering unusually.

gosh, how i missed those eyes.

i licked my lips and glanced away from her eyes for a moment.

"suzuki, listen, about that night—"

her turning away once again silenced me. it was a clear indicator that she didn't want to talk about it. i tried to be as subtle about it as possible.

"suzuki, it's been two days since we last talked," i changed the subject. she hummed absentmindedly. "is everything alright? i missed you."

the faint red tinge on her ears deepened at my last sentence. i fought back a smile at the sight.

"i.. i was a bit— i was at my grandparents' house for the weekend," she told me. i half heartedly bought her excuse. it could very well be that, but i think the main reason for our lack of communication the past two days was because she was intentionally avoiding me. nevertheless, i nodded to show her i believed her.

"did you have fun? was it nice there?" i asked. she replied with a hushed "yeah." a silence then erupted.

she cleared her throat and faced me with a blank expression. "riki, are we friends?"

i feel different about that question now.

i decided to forget whatever happened between us last night, however. it was no use dwelling over the thought and regretting past actions. what happened was bound to happen, and neither i or suzuki could do anything about it. she and i held a staring competition as she awaited my answer to her recurring question.

however, i couldn't find the right answer and so i broke eye contact first. i felt way too ashamed by what i'd done that i can't even answer that question for sure. i don't know what came over me that night for me to kiss her.

i heard suzuki sigh and her footsteps walk away from me. i lifted my eyes from my shoes and found her slipping her backpack over her shoulder from where it was a few feet away from us. she then walked up to me and we held each other's gazes. her face was emotionless, yet her eyes told me what she couldn't form into words. i wasn't sure whether she felt positive about that night or negative.

in the end, she spoke. "i'm guessing that meant nothing to you, riki. and if it's like that to you, then it's the same way for me too. that meant nothing, so let's forget about it and act as usual, okay?"

she gave me a sweet smile after she finished.

"if you're worried that i'm mad at you or have something against you for that," she began again. "i do not. and if you wish for forgiveness, i forgive you. that definitely meant nothing, so let's act like it."

with that, she turned and left the rooftop. i stood staring at her retreating figure with a rather somber expression. my heart cracked a bit at her words.

i don't know what, but it meant something to me.