the girl in the corner.

episode 25: i lost her.

yesterday was the last day of our one-week break before the new semester, which was also the night suzuki had given me a letter.

i was curious to know what it contained, but i decided to prepare myself a little to read it with a relaxed and calm mind. why was i so nervous? because she kissed me after she gave me that letter.

that letter must be a confession, or something of the sort. and i certainly wasn't ready for that, especially from her.

i'd mentioned before that i'd receive a number of love letters at school, so i was used to such a thing. i certainly wasn't expecting it from suzuki, and if i'm honest, it made me a little giddy that she gave me a letter which possibly was a love letter.

i went to school expecting to meet suzuki there. i couldn't bring myself to go to her apartment and walk with her to school because i was so nervous about that letter and i was too shy to see her because of it.

i still didn't read it, though i took it to school with me. to my surprise, suzuki wasn't at school. i wanted to text her and ask her why she was absent today, but i still couldn't bring myself to talk to her in any way because that letter occupied her thoughts.

when i went back from school, i thought of visiting suzuki's apartment. i didn't see or talk to her the whole day, and i was really worried for her. i decided to talk to her after i read the letter, so when i got home and showered and took my nap, at around a quarter to nine, i sat on my bed, in my room, with the letter unopened in my hand.

the words "for riki, my one true friend and the one who captured my heart" were written on the envelope, and they certainly sparked my interest and curiosity. this did confirm my speculations that this was a love letter, and it sort of explained why suzuki didn't come to school or talk to me today—she was just as nervous as i was to face me after giving me this and doing what she's done. i chuckled at the thought and took a deep breath to gather my courage.

i unfolded the paper slowly, my heart thumping against my chest and my hands shaking with anticipation. i bit my lip as i started reading from the date it was written, the second day of the one-week break.

the more i read the letter, the more tears pricked my eyes, and the more my heart cracked.

she liked me. she does.

that's not the bad part, though—i was fucking ecstatic to know that—what gave me mixed emotions was that...

suzuki left. and as bad as it was, she just had to be poetic about it.. and her words broke me even more, they portrayed her heartbreak and sorrow so well, it was as mesmerizing as it was heartbreaking.

the letter was quite long, and while i was reading through i couldn't feel the warm tears cascading down my cheeks, despite the temperature difference.

i prayed desperately for this letter to be some sort of.. prank she pulled on me. i hoped sincerely that she'll come to school tomorrow and that this is all a misconception, and we can actually begin our story now.

after i finished the letter, i slowly placed the paper down on my bed with a shaky sigh and an equally shaky hand. by then, i knew i was crying, and i allowed myself to cry. my sisters were in the other room, and my parents were outside in the living room. knowing that, i tried to keep my sorrow toned down a bit, so that i don't have to answer any questions they might ask if they found me crying.

i picked up the crumbled paper again and tried to read through my tears, and with every review of the words, a whimper left my lips until i was full on sobbing. i managed to get up and lock my door so that no one hears me, and with how weak my mind was, i slid down the door and sat there, with my head in between my arms, weeping my heart out.

i understand now why suzuki seemed so sad last night, because she was leaving. i understand now why she kissed me just before we parted ways—for the last time—because she liked me.

i understand now why she kept asking me if we were friends. it was all leading to one thing, and i was too dumb to realize it.

she liked me. and the fact that she started liking me such a long time ago, even before we started talking, made me realize how dumb i was. that would explain why she's so hesitant to hold my hand sometimes and rest her head on my shoulder, all that stuff..

and once she's gone, i only just saw everything. why'd i have to be so fucking oblivious.. this letter felt like i was sent to heaven but given a slap on the face at the same time.

and she's gone, just like that. without saying a goodbye or even insinuating that she'll be leaving.

and while she's at it, she leaves so poetically and gracefully, too.. what an angel she was.

my angel, and she's gone.

and i lost her.