the girl in the corner.

episode 28: a glance.

a month ago, i graduated high school.

a month before that marked five years since suzuki left for tokyo, and four since momoko and i started dating. i don't know, but i never not thought of suzuki during that whole time, and admittedly, when i agreed to be momoko's boyfriend.

i know i shouldn't be thinking of another girl while i'm in a relationship, but i can't help it. suzuki—as she worded it in her letter to me five years ago—was the one who captured my heart. i'm not certain what i feel towards momoko right now, four years into our relationship, but i love her enough to feel bad about myself when thinking of suzuki.

i wanted to take a trip to tokyo to see if suzuki is still there. i honestly missed that girl so dearly, and the worst thing is that we lost contact a week after they moved, and i wasn't able to reach her since.

i wasn't able to get on a departing train to tokyo, and that made me realize that i might not be able to find suzuki in tokyo. it's a large, complex city and only god knows where exactly suzuki is staying in it, so i subsequently decided to give up on finding suzuki again.

it was my graduation day when i realized i would never see suzuki again in my life, so i settled on carrying the love i had for her in my heart. i don't know if she still thinks of me as i do her, and the possibility that she forgot me breaks my heart every time i think about it.

as my relationship with momoko progressed, i thought myself too.. "undeserving" of momoko's heart, because mine belonged to someone else. i did love her, yes, but i didn't love her as she loves me. i feel like shit when i realize that.

i don't know what came over me to do that, but after i graduated high school, i moved into the apartment that the miyamotos were in before they moved. i don't know how it was vacant for five years, but it was and i moved into it. momoko doesn't know that suzuki and her family once lived here, and she comes and visits me in that apartment from time to time.

during my relationship with her, i found that momoko preferred quiet, comfortable dates instead of loud and busy ones, so most of our dates these past four years were spent walking around the streets, sitting in cafes or meandering through parks. she would frequent the park in my district whenever she stays a few nights over with me.

that was the case tonight. momoko came into my bedroom and asked if we could take a stroll out in the park, that same park i used to sneak out to with suzuki. i'd agreed and she wore a hoodie of mine before we left for the park. i noticed, as she swiftly picked it up from the chair it was hanging over, that it was the same one i would wear on my and suzuki's sneak-outs during our first year in high school, and my heart clenched as i remembered her again.

before we went to the park, momoko and i went to a mini supermarket in the neighborhood to buy some snacks and drinks so we could have them in the park.

i don't know what it is today, but i'm missing suzuki more than usual. the fact that i'm in the mini supermarket that i first encountered her in isn't helping.

and the fact that i bought the same brand of gummy candy we used to share isn't helping at all.

after checking out for our stuff, momoko and i walked out of the store. she was saying some fact about the university she wishes to apply for while clinging onto my free arm—a habit she grew to have during our relationship—but i wasn't paying attention to her. my mind was with suzuki.

before i knew it, we reached the park. we entered by the west gate, and—coincidentally—it was the gate suzuki and i used to meet up at.

does the universe want to remind me of the love i lost and make me feel horrible about myself? because it's working.

the park was pretty full tonight, so we had a hard time finding a place to sit down. momoko and i kept roaming around searching for a spot to stay at for quite a long while. i think we kept going in circles, because the park is really large and there must be some empty spots somewhere.

momoko spotted a little children's playground, and she led me there so we could watch the children playing. she took some of the candy we bought and called the children over. a little five or six kids noticed her and came up to her. she kneeled down in front of them while i stuffed my hands in my pockets, watching her give the children candies with a smile as their faces lit up. the sight warmed my heart and made me forget about suzuki momentarily.

one of the kids went to call over some other kids, shouting "free candies!" as he ran across the playground. momoko giggled as she slipped out another pack of candy from the plastic bag that hung from my wrist.

soon momoko gave all the children their fair share of candy, and they'd all bowed and thanked us. now, we were walking around aimlessly as she gushed over how cute the kids were.

i didn't realize it, but we were in a different section of the park, one i recognized too well. the area was busier than i was used to, and especially the main attraction of this area.

the lake. i was by the lake.

momoko found a spot a few meters away from the lake, and she suggested we sit there. i nodded mindlessly and followed her until we sat under a tree. my eyes were glued on one specific figure, until momoko broke me out of my reverie.

"riki, what's wrong?" she asked me. "you've been quieter than usual tonight. is something the matter?"

i muttered a denial and shook my head, my eyes downcast and a pout on my lips. momoko didn't believe me, but she tried to lift up my mood discreetly by changing the subject to something i like.

she succeeded, and i momentarily forgot about suzuki again. we ate all our snacks and were now drinking our sodas, and we decided to take a walk to digest the food we ate quicker.

i glanced back at the girl that sat by the lake when we returned there after our trip around the park. her eyes met mine then, and the world stopped.

it was her. those same hooded eyes were looking right back into mine.

it was suzuki. she came back home.

i halted my steps abruptly, my gaze stitched with suzuki's. she sat still by the lake staring at me, and she showed me a small smile and pointed beside me before standing up, taking her things, and walking away. i almost ran after her, but momoko's voice broke into my thoughts, asking me what was wrong with an urgent tone.

i quickly denied and said it was nothing, and we continued on our way back to the apartment. i saw suzuki. she's here.

but i'm tied to momoko.

on the way back, we met momoko's sister and she told her that she had to get back home because her parents were asking for her. since she didn't have much stuff at my apartment, she quickly pecked my cheek and left with her sister, so i was now walking back home alone, my mind with suzuki.

if i met her without momoko, i swear i could've hugged her so tight. so, so tight.

while i was trudging through the corridor that contained my apartment, my eyes lifted from my feet. i gasped through my nose and stumbled back upon seeing suzuki standing there, staring at the door.

she turned to face me, and she smiled.

before i could talk, she spoke first. her tone was gentle and soft, just as it was when she first told me her name. and her words broke my heart.

"you looked happy with her. it was always supposed to be you and her, and i was just the girl in the corner."

finale.