the girl in the corner.

episode 27: i was never the main character.

every time i think about it, it breaks my heart.

it's been one year since i left okayama.

i ended up changing my number during my stay at tokyo, and so i lost contact with riki. that was during the first week since our move, and since then it would've been exactly twelve months.

and during that time, i couldn't reach riki at all.

i still kept some of his social networks, somehow, so i was able to keep up with him. i contemplated whether to talk to him through the direct messages online instead of the phone messages, but i couldn't do it. i didn't know what to say after leaving him without any prior notice or if he'll even answer.

does he remember me as much as i do him?

never once have i not thought of him since the moment i left okayama, and i still do now. i just hope he didn't forget me, because i'm planning to go back to okayama as soon as i graduate high school.

i'm now in my second year of high school, and my life in tokyo was rather lively compared to okayama. that's one good thing about the move.

i also got through my social anxiety and became more outgoing, and i gained a few good friends. my school in tokyo was a bit more strict than in okayama, but i still managed.

at my school in tokyo, i met a boy who reminded me greatly of riki. he even had the same first name as him.

coincidentally, we also ended up living in the same apartment building. he was a floor above ours, and so, after i befriended him and got quite close to him, we started going to school together.

but just because i met that guy, doesn't mean that i forgot about riki. if this riki was a friend, then my riki was my first friend.

and i still do like him. i think 'like' is too weak of a word, but i'm too unsure to say that i love him. i guess it's something stronger than 'like' yet a bit weaker than 'love.'

at one point in our friendship, the boy i met in tokyo grew to like me, and he actually confessed to me as well. he made it really special and memorable, and towards the end of his whole plan he confessed to me. my heart still aches whenever i recall the moment i had to reject him, because he was such a sweet boy and i didn't want to break his heart, but thankfully he took it well and told me he understands that i might not like him.

i told him about my riki once, and his confession happened with him knowing my whole story with him. he told me, when i rejected him, that i might not like him as much as i do riki, but he'll still stay by my side and be there if i need him. we're still close friends, though, and he grows sweeter every day.

one day, during my summer break, i was scrolling through my social networks with nothing else to do. i was going to my third year of high school then, and it would be about a year and eight months since we moved from okayama.

i found a post from an account i wasn't following, and when i checked out their profile i found it to be momoko. there was some text saying that riki—my riki, was following momoko. i don't really know what happened between them after i left, so i was really surprised to see that he was following her.

i went back to my homepage to see momoko's post that showed up on my screen, and i swear i heard and felt my heart crack.

momoko had uploaded a photo of two silhouettes, one male and one female—hers. i immediately recognized the male silhouette to be riki's, and the two silhouettes were holding hands and leaning onto each other. there was a firework show in the sky before them, so i'm guessing this photo was taken either at a festival or at new year's.

i thought then that riki and momoko might've became friends after my departure, and i prayed fervently that it was only just that. but no, it wasn't that, to my dismay.

if my heart was cracking the more i stared at the photo, the caption she wrote shattered my heart completely. she wrote that today, she and her "longtime crush," who would be riki, finally got into a relationship after her liking him for so long. she said she confessed to him during new year's, and he politely rejected her, but she didn't give up and tried again today, and he'd.. accepted her.

i didn't realize the tears down my cheeks as i checked riki's own account for a similar post. to add more salt to the wound, i found a post confirming momoko's announcement on his account.

i dropped my phone on the side of the couch i was on and tucked my head into my hands, crying silently. sayaka just walked into the room, and i felt the empty space next to me dip with her weight and her hand on my shaking shoulder. she asked me what's wrong, worry evident in her voice.

i grew closer to sayaka in tokyo just as we'd been when we were younger, so i didn't hesitate one bit to tell her that it was riki. i heard her sigh in irritation through her nose and she asked me with forced calmness what happened with him. sayaka never liked when i cried over a boy—i remember her scolding me for crying because i rejected tokyo's riki when he confessed to me. i think she suspected that i was crying over him.

i clarified that it was riki whom i met in okayama, and though i couldn't see her, i could tell she was surprised. she asked me again, what was the matter, and so i told her that i'd lost him. forever.

she immediately understood what i meant and she quickly got to comforting me, saying that i'll find someone better in tokyo and i'll move on as time passes. i wish i could believe her.

it was already hard enough being away from him, and i thought that this was a little intermission for us to meet in the end of the story, but fate had other plans, and i was never the main character.