the girl in the corner.

episode 30: good terms.

a few months before our fifth anniversary, i noticed that momoko had a...change in behavior, as best as i could describe it as.

at first, i excused it because during the first weeks, her grandfather—whom i learned she was incredibly close with—had passed away, and she'd taken a longer time than the rest of her family to grieve. i was there for her during that time, and she stayed at my apartment for a while, to "have a little solitude with the one i love," as she worded it.

eventually, after the time she took to grieve, she was gradually getting better. she was her usual cheery self and everything went back to normal, yet i would still find her quietly mourning over her grandfather, and i can't blame her.

but after about two months since the passing, momoko was more distant, more cold.. it was like she was her high school self again, except she was a bit more sweeter, or at least, trying to be.

i couldn't see the spark she had in her eye whenever she'd look at me. i don't know what happened, but it's worrying me.

there was a period of time where momoko stopped visiting me at my apartment completely. she would only communicate with me on texts or calls, and she wouldn't seem herself if we ever met. it was more like she was trying to keep "us" alive than actively being "us," if that makes sense.

i suspected that something was going on at home, so i gave her some time. after all, she can't always be happy, and she'd need a little break from the world, even from the people she holds dear. i would still check up on her; i didn't want her to feel like i didn't care. and besides, i did care, and i was worried.

it did feel empty without her, if i'm to be honest, and it sort of broke my heart that she was acting this way because of something that affected her mental health.

i was especially worried when our fifth anniversary was approaching. i didn't know if we'd get to spend the day together or not, or if she'll even remember it, considering her mental state. i doubted whether to remind her or not.

aside from the whole situation with momoko, i couldn't contact suzuki after i saw her that day at the park. that was almost a year ago, and it was like an enchanting specter that uncannily resembled her was sent by the universe to fool me and disrupt my mind.

her words before she left again stuck to my mind, and they'd always find their way back to me whenever something occurs that reminds me of her. i didn't know how to feel about the whole thing—what with me being in a relationship, but thinking of another girl? i felt like a scumbag, and maybe i really was.

one day, after all her shenanigans, momoko started acting just as usual, her cheery, loud self, and it didn't feel like she was trying to keep the relationship alive, rather she was "being" in it. my worries died down, and we went back to normal, much to my relief. i was worried i did something, or i was being too much or too less towards her.

she was staying over a few nights at my apartment around that time, and it would be about two months until our fifth anniversary. i was in the living room then, and she was in the bedroom perhaps taking a nap or reviewing her notes from university, i didn't know, but i let her be, since she needed to be alone for both things.

she had come out of the room and lied down on the sofa next to me, her arms around my waist and her cheek resting on my chest. she had a thoughtful expression on her face, and the small pout on her lips courtesy of her cheek being pressed added a somber aura to that thoughtfulness. i shut my phone and put it aside, then stared down at her and stroked her hair, an action i usually did whenever i sensed she was feeling down. it would usually uplift her.

i felt her shift in her position and wrap her arms around my waist tighter. that was my cue to ask her what was bothering her.

"is it university?" i added. "or do you miss your granddad again?"