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Ever since we were young, you would sometimes show me and teach me the beauty of the desert. from the soft warm sand to the cold green cactus resting by the oasis. i remember the times you would hold my hand because you were afraid that i would get lost or someone would secretly take me away if you turn your back towards me, but the day you first held my hand into your rough ones, it made my own heart yearn for you.
At first, i didn't understand the strange feeling until i grew older.. until we both grew older. as years pass by and time change, i saw you grew colder. you stopped holding my hand, you stopped looking back whenever i walked behind you, and you stopped looking for me whenever you were injured. although, your whole expression was always serious, i didn't mind.. not at all. as long as i get to stay by your side, then i don't mind your change of attitude.
Within those years, i held something in me. a secret from you. i know that we're not supposed to keep secrets from each other, but this type of secret could risk our friendship. it could impact your life, your friendship, and your view of me.
The amount of times you showed me how important i am in your life, it made me think about how much i want to stay with you. even if it meant that i'm labeled as a friend in this relationship.
It hurts, you know.
It hurts to think about how you can easily avoid me as soon as i confess my secret to you. getting the secret off my chest and sharing that warm feeling i held in so long, but i can't blame you though.
I can't blame you if you start breaking our friendship and start avoiding me. the only one to blame in this situation is me because my heart only wants you.
When i was about to continue living my life with that secret in me, you told me something that brought up my hope, my happiness, and my love.
"If you're in pain, please just rest. whatever the reason, if you're in pain, you're in pain. if things are tough, then things are tough. don't pretend to be strong." you told me.
So ever since that certain day, i debated if i should confess my feelings to you. why, you may ask? the reason is because i don't want to hold it in any longer. if it meant risking our friendship, then so be it. i rather let you know my feelings than regretting it later on.
On the day i was brave enough to confess my secret to you, i saw her for the first time.
She was a gorgeous woman. from her long silky red locks to her soft looking eyes. not only was i enchanted by her, but everyone..including you were bewitched. the way she moved her body and danced so elegantly, it started to make me feel insecure.
Weeks later, i start to watch you grow closer to her. where she would lightly laugh when you form a small genuine smile. the whole scene felt like it was from a romance novel i once read.
I know i'm not supposed to interfere your personal feelings ever since you became distance, but how come my heart is still yearning for you? whenever you labeled me as a friend to others, it didn't eased my pain away. the stinging pain i feel in my chest. the wall building up around my heart. the hole i feel in my soul.
"Why are you crying?"
You then once asked me when i was about to go back home. not noticing the tears falling down until you mention it, i could only smile the pain away, "i'm okay.."
But behind those two words, my heart shattered into two pieces.
-❦-
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-❦-
On one sunny bright day.
I felt the once strong built wall around my heart break down into a million pieces. clenching my first and watching the scene in front of me, i continued on viewing your figure, but not just your figure, hers as well.
My eyes immediately started to shake as salty tears cover my vision. biting my lip to suppress a sob, i grasp my chest as you touch her fair cheek so gently. although you were never mine to begin with, why does it feel like i was betrayed by your action?
"You promised me.."
The day we first turned 12, you promised me that you would make me the happiest girl in the world, so how come i don't feel like the happiest girl in the world right now?
a/n: i'm breaking everyone's heart with this upcoming book. 😋 if you're traumatized from my 'Rabbit Hole' book, then be prepared for this one.
