Mr. Hawkin

Chapter 3

Weeks have passed since me and Mr.Hawkin have exchanged numbers, our talks have turned from just daily updates and comments from our days, to meaningful, and mature conversation. He had opened up to me about his love life that was, from my point of view, in shambles. I had finally allowed myself to open up to him about what was going on in my life. Never sharing the true nature of what my family was like. I presented him with several falsehoods that made me feel secure when talking to him about it. I didn't tell him how dysfunctional my parents were, or about my brother. I didn't want to scare him away, I couldn't afford to scare him away. He made me feel loved, and cared for, when my family was falling short on the very basic premise of togetherness. Then one night, that was as routine as the previous nights of texting we shared before, he asked me this.

"Do you want to see the garden I've been working on in the back?"

"Sure, but only if you give me a video tour lol"

"Duh, how else could I explain it"

The video he sent was unlike anything I had anticipated. It opens with just him. He was looking at the camera with his angular, tan, and handsome face. He was conveniently shirtless. His body was perfect, that of someone who made it a point to look good. It was perfectly toned, and tan, with a small suggestion of chest hair. He was in a baseball cap which hid most of his clean cut sun bleached hair. His dark and defined eyelashes made the biggest impression on the image, as they were too gorgeous to be ignored. I felt myself starting to blush, I was so focused on how dreamy he looked, and how lucky I was to even comprehend what he was saying about the garden.

"It looks good!" I managed to text back after being lost in the video that loomed in the text bubble above.

"Don't tell anyone, but you might have to come over and check it out sometime...."

The text message stayed absolutely still on the screen making the text chain almost vibrate with a tension that I can only think of as sensual. Was Mr.Hawkin flirting with me? I didn't think that he would've felt inclined to invite me over if he thought of me as merely a student. Maybe I was his dear friend? But the video from before was far too suggestive to make me think that was the case. Was I reading too far into it? In an uncharacteristic act of what felt like deviancy, I sent back a simple "Whenever you're down :)"

It felt like I had made a huge mistake. Then, in a power move that felt calculated and intensely exploitative, he responds with a simple "Tomorrow?"

I had become giddy with excitement, the prospect of getting to spend any extra ounce of time with the man who had become the only person I cared about was enticing. I yelled down the stairs, to my essentially absentee mother, "Is it okay if I go to a friend's house after school tomorrow?"

All she could manage to let out was "Sure."

Now that where I was going to spend the afternoon was accounted for, I felt all but too confident to respond to Mr.Hawkin with "I'll be there"

The tension between me and Mr.Hawkin in class the next day was so thick it was oppressive. It wasn't negative tension, rather, a pseudo sexual tension. I hadn't realized I was falling for him until last night, but now that I had a definite motive for putting so much effort into this connection, the dynamic was different. I felt more comfortable with him, and I could tell that his demeanor was fraught with an excitement about the afternoon to come that I couldn't ignore. I had to routinely remind myself not to expect anything from him. He was an adult, and the whole thing had made me feel as if I was overthinking and over analyzing the entire situation. I clung to my newly realized feelings, but still kept them close to my chest so as to not chase him away.