Mr. Hawkin

Chapter 6

I can't waste any time, I have to be home in time to see him. To talk to him. To hug him. I need to feel my brother in order to convince myself that he's still alive, that he's still real. I can't believe that he's finally back.

I let go of Mr.Hawkin's hand. I try and get up to go roundup my clothes, but Mr.Hawkin grabs me by the arm. He squeezes it tight, and I can almost feel the tips of his fingers on my bone.

"Sam. Where are you going?"

"My brother is home."

"Like from college?"

"Yeah, I really need to go home and see him, he's only gonna be home tonight." I'm caught up in the lie I've told about my brother being away at college. Which, in my defense I think would have still been a perfectly valid reason for my parents' behavior.

"Well, I thought we were supposed to be hanging out tonight"

"Can I just take a raincheck?"

The pressure he's putting on me at the moment is really disheartening. It sends a shiver down my spine, that I didn't think I could ever forget. When did the switch happen, at what point did this turn from a friendly and casual friendship into a weirdly controlling dynamic that is only beneficial to him.

He blankly stares at me, I'm too stunned by the encounter to formulate my next move. In the midst of my panicked state, Mr.Hawkin speaks, breaking the short lived silence.

"Just, one thing first."

He grabs me by the wrist, as I'm standing before him, and he places my hand on his erection, which is glaringly obvious due to the lack of any clothing but underwear. I try and recoil, I'm properly freaked out at this point. Before I can recoil, he firmly presses my hand harder down.

"I want you to remember this for next time."

I'm utterly repulsed at the notion that there could be another encounter like this. What I thought I wanted, ended up being nothing more than a grossly dissatisfying experience that came to haunt me. I was so lost, in his attractiveness, and feelings of luck to comprehend the gravity of what him liking me back meant. I failed to realize that even though I was so deeply interested in him, that having him share a mutual interest made him nothing more than a pedophile. I'm paralyzed, again, in this state of regretful thought, and yet again, I'm torn out of it by Mr.Hawkin.

"I want you to remember this too."

He leans in, and kisses me. On the mouth. Holy Shit.

I can't believe it, yet again, he's switched up the story on me, he's making me feel stupid for thinking that our relationship was weird. His lips were soft and sweet, and felt like magic on mine. I knew at that moment, I was in deep with him. I was completely and utterly consumed by my desire for him.

"I just want to always make you feel safe" those words are the first thing said after that blissful moment we just shared.

"Thank you for that," I say in a breathy tone "I always feel safe with you."

That was only a half truth. I didn't always feel safe with him. I said what felt right in the moment. I craved him so much that I was just trying to say the right thing.

"Go get your clothes, you have a brother to see"

I grabbed my clothes, and we meandered to his car. I have a brother to see.