Waves - Book #2 [completed]

34 ~ Meraki

Meraki
(Greek)
verb
To do something with soul, creativity, or love; to put something of yourself into your work.

"Good job today," I tell Tyler, my newest student with a high five.

His beam splits his face in half and he throws his lanky arms up in the air like he just won a gold medal. He looks so proud and pleased with himself as if he could take over the world by storm tonight. His only worry today was to keep his balance on the board for ten seconds. He excelled.

I wish I could be twelve and worry free again.

"When do we surf again?" he asks eagerly.

"Well," I start, gathering my hair in a messy, wet ponytail. "We'll have to skip next week because I'll be in Gold Coast."

He looks visibly disappointed. "Okay."

"Hey." I curl my hand around his shoulder. "If your dad agrees I can squeeze you in on Tuesday when I get back."

That lifts his mood and we find our way back to the parking lot where we wait for his dad to pick him up and share a cereal bar.

I finally text my mom back after leaving her text unread for a couple days, letting her know that I'm alright. I feel guilty about it, but I just couldn't write her back, much less talk to her about what went down in my life the last few weeks. She would've been happy for me, no doubt, but she wants so desperately for me to find a partner that I don't think I could deal with her exuberant happiness right now.

As I wave Tyler goodbye I smile. This boy reminds me of me so much. He's enthusiastic and zealous about his sport and wants to succeed. But he doesn't force it. When he falls, he laughs and tries again. He's driven but not too hard on himself and his parents just want him to have fun without pushing him.

I rush home, wash the sand and salt off my boards and take a quick shower. Usually, Emma would be next up to coach, but I thought it would be good to give her a day off before her big competition. Getting yourself worked up on all the little things you still need to fix or work on isn't helpful. And knowing Emma, it would only make her more nervous.

Finishing up, I load the washing machine. My t-shirt from the night with Mason is in there too. Luke didn't say much more after Mason left. He needed to talk his feelings away without someone judging him for how he feels about his situation with Chase. In return and knowing that he wouldn't judge me and my frivolous sexual endeavors either, I told him about Mason and I in the end.

He just shrugged and said he already knew that something was going on. I'm pretty sure everyone knows by now.

With still wet but combed out hair, I put on a pair of light-wash jeans with big rips at the knees and a flowy camisole. Slipping into my beat Birkenstocks, I call for Baby and ten minutes later I park my rusty old and odd sound making truck in front of Rathi's house. My bottom lip rolls between my teeth and I bite down a couple times, contemplating my next move. I'm here now. I want to see him and I'm not going to start to feel ashamed or timid about it. My feelings are valid and I want to explore whatever we have going on. We agreed on going slow and taking our time because of me. But where do we start when we've already slept together? When he already has feelings for me? I know, I'm not where Mason's at yet, but I'll try to get there. I want to. I want... It's honestly hard to say what I want. These clashing feelings inside me are like hot and cold air mixing and creating a storm inside my chest. But I'm less scared than I was days ago after we talked. Every day Mason doesn't push me helps. And I want to take a step toward him.