Waves - Book #2 [completed]

47 ~ Sehnsucht

Sehnsucht
(German)
noun
The inconsolable longing in the human heart; a yearning for a far, familiar, non-earthly land one can identify as one's home

Mason's been gone for eighty-four hours. Maybe more.

It doesn't sound like a lot. But considering I haven't been able to think, breathe or sleep right ever since he left, it is a lot. It's too much.

Two days. Two days I haven't heard from him. I tried to call him multiple times but his phone's dead. I don't know if he arrived in New York safely. But there are no reports of a plane crash, so I try to not assume the worst.

I miss him. I've missed him since the moment he said I Love You, turned around and left for his gate at the airport, his tall frame disappearing in the mass of people and leaving me with his presence and words echoing through my chest.

I wanted to tell him that I love him too, reciprocate those three words so he'd get on that plane with reassurance rather than dread. But I closed up and then he was gone.

I can't stand being away from him. I can't stand not knowing what's going on with him or his father. I can't stand not being able to tell him that I love him too. I can't stand the suspense and the fear.

I'm needy and I don't like it. I want to be independent but have to admit that Mason's inside my heart and mind. He's in my thoughts constantly and I wonder if I'm in his, too.

I know better that thinking this because he told me. But sometimes my mind spirals into doubts, wondering if he might forget about me if he's gone for too long. Harry said something like this when Mason first got here.

"He'll stay a couple of months, trying to have a fun time... Then he'll go back to the US and brag about the great adventure he had in Down Under before he probably forgets about us all together."

I hate thinking this because he's probably busy worrying about his dad and helping his mom. Mason's proved how he feels for me even before telling me. He lowered his guard and allowed me to see behind the curtain, behind the hard and cocky façade. I don't want to doubt him. So, I repeat his words in my mind over and over again.

I'm not leaving you.

I'm not leaving you.

I'm not leaving you.

I was scheduled to spend two more nights in Sydney. And that's what I did. But I didn't go back to the competition. I couldn't do it. Neither would it have made sense since I was all over the place, plagued with worry and unplaceable emotions. Accepting that I might have squandered my chances of ever surfing professionally again, I took a taxi and drove downtown to a trusted tattoo parlor where got a new tattoo instead. Two to be exact. I stopped myself from getting something pierced, too, and ignored Harry's frequent calls and texts. Sooner or later he'd see that I wouldn't compete.