Always going to be him//Gallavich

Twenty-Nine

IAN
I could hear wedding music. It was confusing me. Walking around, I found a set of brown doors. The music seemed to be coming from the doors. Pushing the doors open, my eyes widened in horror as I saw Mickey standing at the end of an altar, a man opposite him, a ring on each hand.

"If there is anyone present who can show just cause why these two persons may not be joined in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." The minister asked.

"I do!" I yelled. To my shock, no one looked at me or even noticed that I was there.

"I object! I object!" I screamed, trying to get some form of attention from Mickey or anyone else.

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you; Husband and Husband. You two may now kiss." The minister smiled.

"NO!" I screamed, unable to move from where I was standing. I watched as Mickey happily kiss the man in front of him while his right hand flipped me off.

My heart raced as I sat up in my bed, trying to calm down. I've never had a nightmare like that before. I looked to my left, seeing Trevor still sleeping beside me.

I decided to go back to sleep. I needed to get a good nights rest. Laying my head on my pillow, I closed my eyes, dreaming about whatever fantasy had popped into my head.

I hadn't seen the Milkovich house in ages. Walking around, I saw Mandy, who looked at me in shock.

"Ian...you shouldn't be here! If Mickey catches you, you're dead!" Mandy warned me as a door was slammed shut.

"IAN GALLAGHER!" Mickey yelled as he walked out to the living room, seeing Mandy and I.

"You're dead, motherfucker." Mickey held up a gun, pulling the trigger.

All of a sudden, I could feel a shooting pain in my chest, as blood rolled down my stomach.

I jolted up, unable to breathe. I could still feel the pain of the bullet shooting through my chest.

"Ian, are you okay?" I could feel Trevor sitting up as I cried, unable to understand why my nightmares revolved around Mickey being an asshole to me.

"I- I'm fine Trevor. Just...go back to bed." I lied, watching as Trevor sighed, laying back down. I needed some air. I grabbed a cigarette and a lighter, heading downstairs and out the front door. I sat on the porch, trying to just focus on my breathing.

I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. It was Fiona.

"Rough night?" She asked, handing me a beer.

"More like rough sleep." I laughed, trying to keep my mind off both Trevor and Mickey, but it was no use.

"What's wrong?" Fiona asked, lighting a cigarette.

"I had two nightmares, about Mickey." I revealed, Fiona chuckling.

"Finally, you're seeing the shitty side of Mickey Milkovich." Fiona smiled.

"It's not like that...Fiona." I smiled, watching as Fiona looked at me confused.

"Then what was it like?" Fiona asked, already halfway through her beer.

"The first nightmare...it was a wedding..." I glanced away.

"Oh, really? Which unfortunate soul was marrying Mickey?" Fiona laughed.

"I don't know, some random person. All I do know is that when I heard the wedding song, I ran through two brown doors, seeing Mickey and this random guy holding hands, a ring on each of their hands. When the minister asked if anyone wanted to object, I yelled and screamed, but nothing happened. Then Mickey and the random guy kissed while Mickey flipped me off..." I sighed, Fiona looking at me as if I had just gone mad.

"Holy shit, your subconscious is fucked up." Fiona laughed, unable to keep herself from being serious.

"Really, Fiona?" I looked at her, not amused.

"Okay, okay. What was the second nightmare?" Fiona asked, calming down.

"I was in the Milkovich house. Mandy was there and she was warning me to leave. All of a sudden, Mickey yelled my name and had a gun held at me. He shot me point blank. Then...I woke up with a pain in my chest." I recounted the nightmare, Fiona sighing.

"That to me sounds like guilt, and/or regret." Fiona admitted.

"What for? Why would I feel guilty and/or regret? Mickey's the one who basically ended the relationship when he refused to speak to me about my parole meeting." I informed Fiona, who crossed her arms.

"Okay, what happened before you had the nightmares?" Fiona asked.

"This." I handed her my phone, clicking on the voice message left by Mickey.

"Hi Ian. It's Mickey. I just got released from prison! I'm free! Can we meet up? I need...to apologise." I watched as Fiona's eyes widened.

"So, you've heard this message and then you've had the nightmares. That sounds like guilt and/or regret to me." Fiona smiled.

"What do I do? I mean, I can't just...go back to how it was before. I'm with Trevor now and I really like Trevor. We do things that we both like. He doesn't verbally abuse me and he's less likely to attack someone!" I smiled, trying to figure out what to do next.

"But you don't love him?" Fiona asked, confusing me.

"What?" I asked, trying to understand what Fiona was getting at.

"You like Trevor, but you don't love him. Here's how I see it. You and Mickey have a history. You've been seeing each other since you were 17. Yes, you and Mickey seem to be different people, but that's what makes you work. Mickey is always going to be apart of you life, even when it seems impossible. To me, it's always going to be him. Even when you're with someone else, the passion that you and Mickey have is special and only found when you're with Mickey. Yeah, you might like someone, but the passion, the romance and the special bond that you and Mickey have will never be recreated." Fiona smiled, giving me a hug.

"All that came from a woman who has dated 3 guys, married and divorced 1 guy and almost married another guy." I laughed at Fiona.