Rainbow | Markhyuck

fifteen

"Hyung...what if it's my fault?"

Donghyuck turned his head to Chenle staring at the wall in front of him, eyes glistening with tears.
The older boy furrowed his brows, placing his phone down on his lap. "What do you mean, Lele?"
Chenle took a sharp breath, shaking his head a little as he casted his eyes downward. "...It...It doesn't matter."
Donghyuck stared at  him a little longer in concern, watching the boy's eyes dart around the floor. He patted his thigh, silently reassuring him before looking back down at his phone, trying to block out the conversation happening around them, not that there was much chaos around him.

It was eerily quiet, Jaemin and Renjun discussing what had happened the night previous while the rest of them sat, either listening or spacing off. Jisung was probably the most distraught of the lot, holding tightly onto Jeno's hand as he stared off into the distance, trying to come to terms with the fact that Jaemin had killed someone. Jeno was slowly tracing circles on the back of the boy's hand, trying to comfort him and himself. Donghyuck could see the unnerved look in his eye, the fear of what Jaemin could do. It wasn't that Jaemin would harm any of them, it was just a lot to take in.

"I spoke with my dad," Jaemin spoke quietly, Donghyuck trying his best to filter it out. Jaemin shook his head, "I said I wanted to learn more about what I'm really getting into."
Renjun nodded his head, string down at his clasped hands. 
"We really did only get a...soldier- a hitman if you will. He was useless. But we got rid of the man who killed Mark."
"Well I'm still here," Mark's voice broke through the spirit box, "he's gone but..."
"But it still feels incomplete anyway," Renjun spoke. "I think we need more than this."

Donghyuck took a deep breath, finally breaking his own silence. "Who ordered Mark's death? We need to find out who wanted Mark dead in the first place so that he can leave."
Jaemin looked up at him, giving him a small smile, most likely for speaking for the first time that day. "Mm, that's what I'm thinking too."

Renjun looked up to him, nodding in response before discussing with Jaemin what to do, Mark hovering behind both of them and interjecting with his own thoughts every now and then.

Donghyuck shut himself up once again, singing in his head as loud as he possibly could to block out whatever they were talking about. He didn't want to be involved in something like this. He didn't want to even learn about who he was supposed to be, he just wanted for all of this to go away.

Because the longer he sat there with his thoughts, the more violent they got. The more he thought about watching Yoon Youngsoo die, the more he wished he was behind the gun, the more he could see the blood stain his clothes.

It made the night worse, it made him not want to dream ever again, the red hue getting worse with every nightmare he was confronted with. And every time, Mark would be gone from him. He'd lose him again and again. He'd try and writhe in his paralysed state just for one good dream. Yet nothing.

He didn't like the pills Jaemin gave him. At least when he used to have a bad dream, he'd wake up with Mark right beside him. He could laugh a little as the boy spread out like a star fish and he could drift off a little easier. With the medication he was trapped in his mind. That was worse than any side effect of sleep deprivation could give him.

He stood up, excusing himself quietly as he began to make himself overwhelmed. He walked away from the conversation to the kitchen, noticing Chenle quietly tagging along. He grabbed two glasses from the cabinet, filling them with water. He handed one to Chenle, the younger boy taking it gratefully.

They took a sip, both staring off into the distance, thankful for the distance between them and the rest of the group.
"I'm glad I left," Chenle spoke softly, taking another sip of his water, "I don't think I would've liked to stay there any longer."
Donghyuck hummed in agreement. Glad someone shared the sentiment.

"It's...weird." Donghyuck looked up at him, cocking his head a little. Chenle glanced down at him, taking the look as a signal to go on. "I can...hear hyung's voice. But he's not there."
Donghyuck turned to face him, placing his glass down. He had almost forgotten that he was the only one who could see him. It just made it that bit more uncomfortable.

Chenle took a deep breath. "It...it's not the same. I can't see him. It will...it will never be the same." He slowly put his glass down, staring down at the counter top. "I-I know I didn't have what you and hyung had but...Mark hyung was my friend too. He was one of my best friends too and...shit, I don't know what to do now. He's gone, hyung, my friend is gone. He's dead." He looked back at Donghyuck, his voice shaking with lost eyes. Donghyuck took his hand, Chenle glancing down in a panic almost. He fiddled with Donghyuck's hand as he tried to iterate what was on his mind.

"I...I know after this...Mark hyung will go somewhere good and kind like he was but I-" He tugged Donghyuck's hand as his eyes began to well with tears. "I'm afraid that it's me." He looked up, breathing heavily. "I'm scared I'm the one holding him back, hyung. I'm scared that it's my fault he can't move on... because I let go, but did I? I love him so much, hyung, I don't-" his voice cracked as he broke down, flooding into a waterfall of tears. Donghyuck quickly pulled him into his arms, Chenle letting himself finally let loose and cry freely, Donghyuck catching every emotion that fell out of the poor boy. "I don't want him to die, I don't want him to go, I can't do this hyung."

Donghyuck held on to him, pressing a kiss on to his temple. "None of us do, none of us even thought this time would come, especially so soon." He gently pulled Chenle away from him, cupping the boy's face as he cried. "But, it will be okay. He won't be truly gone from us ever, even when he does move on. You know that he'll still be here and here," Donghyuck moved his hand from the young boy's head to his chest, placing it over his heart. "You're not holding him back, love, it's okay to feel this way. He knows that you want the best for him." He pulled him back into his arms, Chenle holding on through his hiccups.

Donghyuck rubbed his back. "I know you don't want him to go. I don't think I want him to go either. But he will. And we'll get through it together I promise."
Chenle nuzzled into the crook of Donghyuck's neck, sniffling a bit. "You promise promise?"
Donghyuck chuckled, "I promise promise."

Donghyuck felt as if he was lying again, not that he would tell Chenle that. He didn't know why, but as he spoke with both their youngest he felt as if he was just saying things for the sake of comfort.

But if they could find comfort, it wasn't necessarily bad now was it.

Eventually Chenle let go Donghyuck, instead holding on to his hand for the rest of time they were at Jaemin's house. He took another glass of water before they made their way back to the group, psyching themselves up as much as they could before they had to confront the group again. And for the next day of school. Hell, maybe even for the rest of their lives.