bts one shots | b x b

jinkook- sleepless thoughts

Seokjin:

People often see me as a happy go lucky type of guy, I wish they knew the inner battles I deal with. I can never show it, knowing I am the hyung of the group, and I can never cause worry for the army, for who I hold deeply in my heart. 

"Hyung?" I am suddenly pulled from my thoughts by a sleepy Jungkook laying next to me. 

"Yes, Bunny?" 

"Are you okay? What are you thinking about?" He asks with his big doe eyes.

"Oh, nothing JK,  go back to sleep. Don't worry about me, okay?" I quickly turn facing him to soothe his hair. 

"You know you can tell me anything, right? I am here for you, always." He says reassuringly as he grasps my hand that was soothing his hair. 

He holds it gently but with a grasp of not wanting to let go. 

I wish I can tell him my worries. 

My worries of never being enough for the group.

Being enough for him.

I know that I have improved in the following years, but I just never feel satisfied. 

I am a burden.

"Please, let me in hyung. Please." 

He squeezes my hand for reassurance. 

I suddenly lose all the strength that was holding my tears within, and felt the first tear slide down my cheek.

It was quickly brushed away by a thumb. 

My cheek suddenly caressed by a warm hand.

I suddenly miss the warmth that was placed on my hand. 

Without thinking too much of it, I reach and grasp the hand on my cheek and hold it there. 

I look back into Jungkook's eyes and feel a sense of warmth and ease. 

I can tell him. 

Suga is working in the studio. 

It's just him and I.

No one else.

"Jungkookie? Do you think I am a burden?" I whisper out gently.

Scared that he might agree. 

"Hyung, there is no way I could ever think that. Why would you say that?" 

His voice laced with concern.

"I don't feel enough for you guys. I feel like I am holding y'all back as a team." 

Jungkook suddenly sits up and takes me  along with him. 

We are now sitting up on my bed, facing one another. 

"Yeobo, listen to me. You are more than enough, there's not enough words to describe how incredible you are. You have the kindest soul with the warmest smile. You are someone who is always putting others before yourself. You are someone that deserves everything good and pure the world has to offer. You are one of the hardest working people I know. You practice so much just to make army happy and satisfied with our shows. Your hard work does not go unrecognized, every body sees it. Everyone admires you and loves you. Please, don't say such hurtful things. It pains me."

I don't know when I started crying. 

Jungkook is holding my face with his hands and stroking my tears away. 

"Even me, hyung" 

I suddenly forget how to breathe.

Surely not in the way that I love you.

"I know you do, kookie."

"No, hyung. I love you."

Suddenly his face is coming closer and closer. 

I flutter my eyes close.

He is kissing me.

He is kissing me.

He really is kissing me.

There is no way. 

"I know the timing is odd, but I couldn't stand having to hold it in any longer." 

A smile creeps itself onto my face. 

"I love you too, Kookie. So much." 

I feel my face getting red.

Jungkook breaks into a bunny smile. 

"Let's get some sleep, okay?" 

He kisses both my cheeks and lays us back down.

"We have a lot to discuss tomorrow." 

Was the final thing I heard before I drifted off to sleep.

We sleep in each others embrace.

The safest place I could be. 

My brain was quiet that night.

For the first time in a long time.