𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐋 | Draco Malfoy

51 | the decision

I asked Draco to wait in my room when night fell. There was something I had to talk to him about, something that would make me feel guilty if I kept it to myself. Enzo already knew, it was his advice to do this in the first place. But I was starting to regret it. What if all of this would make things worse?

Draco was sitting nervously on my bed when I walked in to my room. He looked up when he saw me, tapping his foot on the floor. "Jesus— why are you so fidgety?" I chuckled, walking towards him, keeping my distance to be safe. "Sorry." He mumbled, adjusting his seating.

"We need to talk." I said, then started figuring out what was the best way to bring this. "Oh, shit.." Draco said, burying his face in his hands for a moment. "You found it, didn't you?" He asked me in a worried voice. I looked at him with a frown.

"I only read it about ten times— that's not even that much. Besides, I'm sure you can understand why I did it.." He said, fiddling with his hands. I still had no idea what he was talking about. "Read what?" I asked. Draco's face fell as if he was either relieved or confused. "The journal— the one that you wrote all the letters in. It was under my pillow.." He said.

I shut my eyes, shaking my head while suppressing a smile. That idiot. It was kind of adorable in some ways how he read my love letters for him ten times. "That's not what I want to talk about, but thank you for telling me." I grinned, so his face went bright red. Draco being nervous was somehow cute.

"I know you want clarity, so do I. So I want to just figure out what my feelings are, but I can't do that by just sitting here and worrying about it." I said, then sat down on the armchair in the corner of the room. Draco nodded, swallowing thickly as if he was scared of what I was going to say.

"So I asked Enzo for advice."

"Enzo?"

"Yes."

"God, that can't be good.."

I stared at him, secretly agreeing. Enzo was a sweetheart, but his advice was usually a bunch of bullshit. But this time there was no better option. "Things were different when I kissed Ezra back at the hotel. I believed that he was my only option, that you weren't good for me and that I had to move on," I said, causing Draco to clench his jaw.

"But now I'm kind of stuck between the two of you. And I know for certain that I have feelings for Ezra, but I don't know how big they are compared to what I feel for you." I explained, getting up and started to pace around the room. Draco hated talking about this, I could see it on his face. "So Enzo suggested something.."

I cleared my throat, my cheeks growing hot now that I even had to talk about this with him. "I hate to be the person to switch between guys, and I'm not. I can't promise either of you anything. You kissed me last night and I loved it, I couldn't even stop. But I want to know how I feel when— well when Ezra does the same.." I sighed in embarrassment.

Draco then looked at me with pure jealousy in his eyes, frowning. His answer didn't match his face expressions. "Yeah, go ahead. You don't need my permission." He said in a low voice. I felt my heart ache with guilt, so I walked over to Draco and sat down infront of him. I grabbed on to his hands.

"Draco, the longer I wait, the more hope you two get. We can save ourselves loads of trouble if we do this now. And I'm so terribly sorry for hurting you, I hate myself for it. But I can't keep stringing you two along." I whispered softly, trying to smile. I knew Draco too well, I knew when he was hurt.

"No, don't blame yourself, I get it. The hotel thing wouldn't have happened if Riddle never— you know. I know I'm not allowed to have hope, but now all I hope is that you'll be happy. And if that's with him then someday I'll find a way to deal with it." Draco spoke, but I didn't believe the last sentence. I couldn't even picture him being okay with it.