A long story

Chapter 13

Steve's POV

I'm happy for Tony, really but I can't stop thinking about what Nat said. How could she say this ? She wanted to die ? She wanted to leave me ? I knew she wasn't feeling good but I never thought it was that bad. Does it mean her jumping off that cliff wasn't a sacrifice but a suicide ? I know Clint wasn't there when she was feeling sad but she had me. I was there this entire time. 

Wasn't I good enough ?

~~~

Natasha's POV

After Tony's announcement, Carol left before I could talk to her.

"We have a problem" I say as I sit on the couch in front of Wanda.

"Yeah. What's going on with you and Steve ?"

"What's going on with Steve ? Nothing is going on with Steve."

"Liar"

"It's the truth"

"If you say so"

"I'm not here to talk about Steve, I'm here to talk about Carol"

"What's going on with Carol ?"

"Didn't you notice ? She seems a bit off recently."

"Now that you say it, did you notice she left as soon as Tony finished talking and didn't celebrate with us ?"

"That's why I'm telling you"

"Do you think something happened with a girl ?"

"I don't know but we should talk to her"

"Let's go"

We go in front of Carol's room and Wanda knocks on the door.

"Who is it ?"

"Carol, open the door"

"Why ?"

"Just do it" says Wanda impatiently.

We wait a few seconds before hearing footsteps and the door opening.

"What do you want"

"We need to talk to you"

"About what ?"

"Can we come in ?" I ask.

"Sure"

We enter and she closes the door while we sit on her bed.

"So, what do you want to talk about ?"

"Carol, what's going on ?"

"What do you mean ?"

"Don't try to lie to us, we know something happened" intervenes Wanda.

"You seem a bit off recently, we just want to know if you're okay"

"She's gone"

"Who's gone ?"

"Maria"

"Who is she ?"

"She was my best friend"

"What happened to her ?"

"She died of cancer, a year ago. She died a year ago and nobody told me. I couldn't go to her funeral. I don't even know where she is buried."

"Carol I'm so sorry"

"I loved her. She was all my life. We did everything together. We flew together for the first time, I helped her raise her daughter and she went to space with me. I thought with the blip she disappeared like the others. But no, she was in the hospital. I tried to recontact her but didn't find anything. So when I found her daughter a month ago she told me Maria died a year ago and she wasn't there either because she disappeared. Can you imagine this ? She died all alone because of fucking Thanos. She died and I wasn't there. I could have helped her, could have told her I loved her but no, I was in space trying to play the hero. I'm no hero, I'm a coward. I left because I was too afraid to tell her I loved her. I don't even know if she loved me back. As long as we knew each other we never dated anyone. She didn't know I was a lesbian and I didn't know if she was one too. I'm happy for Tony and Pepper, they deserve it after everything that happened to them but I can't pretend to be happy right now. I can't pretend to be happy when I just learn the woman I love died." Her eyes were full of tears and she was shaking really hard. "She died and I couldn't do anything." She broke down on the floor and cried. "I didn't do anything. She died because of me. I killed her."

That's when it was too much for me. I get up and take her in my arms. I could feel her shaking and crying on my shoulder. Wanda joins us and we're all hugging. Our eyes were full of tears. I never want to know what it's like to lose the person you love. Shit, now I understand why Steve is mad.

"Carol listen, I know what it's like to lose the person you love and I know it hurts like hell. I don't exactly know what you're going through right now because I got him back but I know a part of your pain. You'll want to be alone all the time, you'll shut down to every person who cares about you and then you'll be mad at yourself for doing it. You will think about suicide and will maybe almost do it. But you'll think about the people who care about you and realize you can't let them go through that pain like you do because you love them too much. So please don't shut us down, we're here for you. We can't change the past, but we can help you going through it."

"Because we love you. And I know you don't care right now, but there are other women out there. Some of them have gone through the same thing as you do. And maybe one day, when you'll be ready, you'll find someone. You won't forget about Maria because she'll always be in your heart and you'll always be in hers. And don't worry we're not mad at you, we get it, so if you don't want to go to the wedding, you don't have to. I'm sure Tony won't be mad. And if you need to cry, to scream or to laugh, you can come to us and we'll be there. We'll talk if you want us too or won't if you don't want to, but we'll be her. We love you Carol, never forget it."

"Thanks guys, I don't deserve you"

"Of course you do"

"Now let's change your mind. What about a movie ?" asks Wanda

"Works for me. Carol ?"

She nods and we all get comfortable on the bed. We watch a comedy, I don't know which, and I can feel Carol relaxing. She smiles a bit and even laughs once. I turn to look at the girls and see Carol asleep and Wanda still awake.

"Go talk to him"

"No, tonight is about Carol"

"Can you stop be stubborn for once please ? Did you hear what she said ? You don't know what tomorrow is made of, do you really want to spend your last days without him ?"

"No"

"Then go talk to him"

"What about Carol ? I don't want to leave her here."

"Don't worry, I've got her"

"Are you sure ?"

"Go"

I stand up as quietly as I can so I won't wake Carol up and leave the room.

~~~

I'm really sorry for not posting last week but don't worry it was the last time.