Stellar Evolution/credits to "orphan_account?" on ao3

Part 10

Do your best, Tsukasa! I know you'll be great!

Tsukasa hoped he could keep that promise.

The path to the Wonder Stage felt miles longer with every step he took. The performance drew nearer and nearer. He couldn't express how unprepared he felt, or how miserable he felt. There was no energy available for him to put into his role. The show would likely be more disappointing, but he didn't know what else to do. He'd tried doing things to make himself a bit more lively beforehand, but it was to no avail. He finally approached the Phoenix Wonderland gates, and reluctantly trudged towards the Wonder Stage. He'd arrived a little earlier than he was supposed to, so he could practice a few lines he was unsure about. Tsukasa crept backstage and set his things down.

"Good morning, Tsukasa."

Tsukasa flinched and turned around, looking around the room.

"Behind you."

He tilted his head slightly to the left to see none other than Rui. He was always here before everyone else was, to set the equipment up for the performance.

"I didn't think you'd be here this early," Rui says, setting a large box down in the corner.

"Me neither," Tsukasa mumbles. "I'm here to practice my lines."

"Oh? Do you need help?"

"...That'd be nice."

Rui sits down next to Tsukasa, holding his copy of their script. Unlike Tsukasa's, Rui's was filled with annotations and notes—seemingly more detail on stage direction and things to improve on. They fill in every part but Tsukasa's during their practice.

"And then you say—" Rui says.

"It was completely useless," Tsukasa replies, reading from the paper.

"Good." Rui adds with a smile. He closes the paper packet containing the script. "Well, I'd say you're ready."

"You do?"

"Mhm."

Rui stands up and sets his script aside. "I still need to bring some equipment to the stage, but Emu and Nene should be here soon. If you still need help, you can ask them."

Tsukasa nods. He felt slightly better about today. There was still that lingering sense of doubt, but most of it was cleared with the reminder that he'd practiced again. They'd rehearse one more time before the show—he couldn't possibly mess up.

"If you ever need me, I'll be right there onstage with you. Good luck!" He says, with a small laugh following. Rui leaves the backstage area. The sound of his footsteps becomes distant, and is replaced with two others.

"Our show is gonna be so great! I can't wait to get onstage with you, and Tsukasa, and—"

"Emu, calm down. People are working here—it's really early. Not everyone has enough energy as you do."

"I know...but I'm excited! Aren't you?"

"As much as I can be, I suppose."

Emu swings open the door to the backstage area, with Nene's hand held in hers. " Tsukasaaaa— are you in here?"

"Here," Tsukasa says, holding his hand up so he's visible.

"Tsukasa!" She exclaims, practically tackling him in a hug. "How are you? Did you sleep well? Are you excited?!"

Nene sighs and pulls Emu up off the ground. "Good morning, Tsukasa," she says.

"These costumes are so pretty!" Emu shouts, twirling around in hers. It was a long dress, as she was playing the role of a princess. Nene was cast as a squire and a few other background characters. And Tsukasa, of course, was cast as a knight, the protagonist, the hero. The role, in his opinion, didn't fit him.

"You look great," Tsukasa says, forcing a smile.

After Rui returns and all the equipment for the show has been set up, they rehearse a final time. It goes nearly perfect. Tsukasa can't think of a single thing that went badly during their performance. Not even with himself. An optimistic kind of hope filled him—maybe it'd go well after all.

That optimism quickly disappeared as more and more people joined the audience. He was still backstage, but he'd looked through a small opening in the curtain a few times.

I can't mess up, I can't disappoint all those people. We're supposed to make people smile.

"We're on in a few minutes," Rui says quietly to the rest of the troupe.

Tsukasa would then take his position slightly out of view for the start of the show, and Rui stands in the middle, behind the curtain. He smiles softly at Tsukasa before Emu pulls the curtain open on the other side. They disappear from the backstage area, leaving him behind.

"Welcome, everyone! Thank you for..."

Tsukasa tunes most of the pre-show introduction and narration. He's waiting for a cue, once the lights flicker out. That's the moment he steps onstage, the scene he'd been practicing at his house. The moment he'd been practicing at his house, with the troupe, and the moment when...

He'd snapped. Again.

Why, every time someone simply tried to help him? They just wanted the best for him—right? So why would he always reject it? And why would those people constantly be kind to him when he was such a pain in the ass to even talk to? He was so obnoxious, and ungrateful, and... stupid.

The world would be so much better off without him.

The lights turn off, and the curtain shuts. Rui returns backstage, but Tsukasa barely notices his cue at all.

All of those people are out there waiting. All of this is going to be so underwhelming to them! Who wants the same asshole as the "hero?" in every show? Same ridiculous shit every time.

"Tsukasa?" Rui whispers.

Well? What are you waiting for, coward? Go step out there. Get it over with. It won't matter, anyway. No matter what you do, no one's going to be happy.

"Tsukasa, you're shaking."

Go on.

"Tsukasa—oh my god, are you ok?"

" I can't go out there. " He admits.

"What do you mean, you—" Nene whispers from the other side of the stage. Awkward chatter fills the audience. The lights had been off for an unusually long time, with no one stepping on stage afterwards.

"...Just stay here." Rui sighs, walking out from behind him and taking his place onstage. He starts saying Tsukasa's lines, directly from the script they'd practiced. Did he...memorize everyone's lines?

The most Tsukasa does backstage while everyone performs without him is pull the curtains open and shut at the necessary times. Uncontrollable guilt stays with him throughout the entire production.

Finally, everyone returns backstage, having finished their final bows and finishing the show. The lights go dim for the last time, and the audience's cheers are fantastic.

Tsukasa stayed out of view for it all.

Once behind the curtain, Emu pulls Nene close and kisses her on the cheek.

"You were so great, Nene!" She says, laughing. Nene blinks a few times, her face turning slightly red. She stays completely silent, and Emu continues giggling.

Rui is the last one behind the curtain. He glances over to Tsukasa, but doesn't say a word.

Disappointment, wonderful. The last thing Tsukasa wanted.

Especially from his director.

"Hey, isn't that blonde kid usually, like, the main person on stage?"

"I don't know. Maybe he was sick or something."

"Honestly, it was kind of better without him."

Those were pieces of a conversation he'd collected from some audience members leaving the theme park. Good. Now he, at the least, knew how the audience felt.

It felt a bit dumb for him to even think about it, but—that door, the one from Tsukasa's nightmare.

The distance didn't feel so far anymore.