Becoming More Than Strangers

Chapter 21: Can a Hospital be a Home?

There sat Lori, talking to Jess who was wearily looking in Lori's direction. Jess was intubated still, the tube breathing for her. Sadie listened to Lori say, "Don't worry. She'll be here soon." Lori grabbed Jess's hand and said, "You know she loves you so much, Jess. I've never seen her so devoted to another human. Not even Jacey and you know she loves that girl more than life itself." Sadie cleared her throat and smiled, tears streaming down her face. Lori and Jess both looked at her and Lori stood up so Sadie could sit in her seat. Sadie dropped her things on the ground and made her way over to Jess's side, grabbing her hand and kissing it with countless amounts of gratitude. Sadie said, "Jess, oh my gosh. I missed you so much. I'm so glad you're alive." She couldn't help it as she began to helplessly sob into her hand. Lori grabbed her shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. Sadie looked back up, her face red from the crying. Tears began to stream down Jess's face, overwhelmed by the release of pain from Sadie. Sadie got up, wiping her tears and saying, "Oh Babe. Please don't cry." Jess weakly held her hand out. Her hand trembled as she tried folding her middle and ring finger down into her palm, holding up the American Sign Language sign for "I love you". Sadie tried to smile with her trembling lip. She said, "Thank you. I love you too."

She turned to her mom and said, "So how long will she have this?" She pointed to the tube that disappeared into her trachea. Lori replied, "Honestly they're not sure. It will depend on how strong her lungs are. But they just sent for someone to see if she can breathe on her own right now." Soon, the proper tests had been performed and they began to wean Jess of the ventilator, allowing her lungs to slowly take over. Sadie sat there, her leg bouncing with anxiety. Before long, Jess had enough of a range of her oxygen intake and they went to remove the tube. The nurse tried to slowly remove it without causing too much discomfort but Jess's eyes began to water from the tube hitting the inside of her throat. The bottom of the tube emerged alongside a heap of Jess's mucus and she coughed a bit, trying to get her dry throat working properly. They placed a cannula under her nose for the sake of getting her extra oxygen as she adjusted to breathing on her own. Finally the doctor said, "Hi Jess. Can you do me a favor and say something?" Jess cleared her throat with some pain and let out a croak, "Hi Sadie." Sadie smiled, hearing her love's voice again. One that had gone so long without and one that she had feared the entire time, she'd never hear again. It was a coarse sound and extremely forced, but it was Jess. She was finally saying her name. The doctor said, "Okay, perfect. Now on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst, what level of pain are you in right now?" Jess forced out again in a shaky voice, "Solid 7 but I'm alright." The doctor made a note of it and said, "Okay. We'll be conducting your swallow test at 6PM tonight to see if you can eat or drink. You cannot eat until then. However, I'll have the nurse give you some more IV meds for the pain. Anything else I can do?" Jess thought for a moment as the doctor checked her vitals, eyes and rest of her body again. "I think just some time alone with Sadie." The doctor said, "We can do that." "And whenever I'm allowed to, a grilled cheese and some chocolate pudding. I'm starving." The doctor chuckled and said, "We'll see what we can do." Lori followed the nurse and doctor out and Sadie was left alone with Jess.

Sadie awkwardly stood there, twiddling her thumbs. Jess finally said, "Are you going to just stand there or give me some snuggles? I'm in a coma for a few weeks and you just stand there?!" Sadie protested as she slowly made her way to Jess, "I didn't want to hurt you!" Jess winked at her and then slowly tried to make room for her. She winced at the movement and Sadie quickly said, "Are you okay?!" Jess brushed it off and said, "I will be soon. Hurry and get in." Sadie shook her head and found enough space so that she wasn't falling off the bed but that Jess was still seated comfortably. Finally, they lay there entangled with one another. The only noises were the echoes outside, the heart rate monitor and Jess's heavy breaths from the exhaustion as a result of shifting her position. Her body was so weak and tired. She closed her eyes and turned, kissing Sadie's forehead. Sadie let tears stream down her face as she squeezed Jess's hand and kissed it. She said, "I missed you so much, Jess." Jess said with her eyes still closed, "I know. I missed you too. I'm sorry. It won't ever happen again, okay?" Sadie hesitated for a moment. She knew Jess couldn't make the promise but she nodded anyway. Finally she said, "I wish we could be home right now." Jess opened her eyes groggily and looked at Sadie confusedly before saying, "I am home." Jess squeezed Sadie's hand and closed her eyes again, drifting off the sleep. Sadie sat there, simply enjoying that Jess was alive. She was conscious and she was herself. There was nothing she could be mad about.