Metanoia

﹌Community Dedication﹌

After what happened, I told Arisa to give me alone time. Not because I was mad at her. I just want to reconstruct everything in my mind. What Laura said to me. What my mom said to me. Especially, what Rangda said to me. I look up at the sky and see the clouds everywhere. Then the next second. "WHOOSH!!!". "Oh, for fuck sake's. Really? I have a client to meet right now!" I mumbled. Everyone already went to the dorm and I just had a medical check-up. To get off my mind from overthinking. I take commissions from my auntie's friend. She has a cafe and would love for me to design her packaging.

"Kumiko-san?".

I looked back and found Izuku with his umbrella. I should bring one too. "Hey, I thought everyone was already back in the dorm," I said. My hands keep busy texting with my client saying I'm probably late to the cafe. "Uhhh... want to share an umbrella with me?" Izuku asked. I shake my head, "Sorry, but I want to meet my client. So I have to wait until the rain stops". "Where's the cafe? I can go with you too!" Izuku offered. "No, it's fine. I can go alone," I replied. "W-well... I want to do my homework too. So it's okay if we go together...".

I thought for a moment then nodded. Let the bush go with me. We walked together under his umbrella. Izuku talks a lot about everything. It's not like I hate it. I'm a good listener. Less talking, more listening. Sometimes I reply to his conversation and I think he understands my personality. When we arrived, the owner of the cafe greeted us. "Order what you want. I'll pay for you," she smiled. The cafe isn't crowded today. Good thing. Izuku sits at a different table with us and I start working with the owner. After getting all of the information I need, I go back to Izuku's table and start sketching.

The cafe has nice vibes and aesthetics for me. 100% will go back to this cafe again. I just realized the music is from my hometown's musicians. Then the menu has my hometown's language or inside jokes. I met with the owner again and explained my draft to her and she agreed with my design. My work is done here but the rain is still pouring outside. "...Kumiko-san, can I ask you about this homework?" Izuku asked. I nodded and in the end, I did my homework too. So when I go back, I can work on these commissions. It is more fun doing homework with Izuku than with Bakugo. Of course, it is less noisy and he can keep my discussion. With Bakugo, we're probably fighting right now.

"Kumiko-san, can I ask you something... out of the homework?".

"Sure, go ahead".

"...how it feels... when you drop after saving Laura?".

"...well, it's not the first time I feel that, to be honest".

"W-what?!".

"Shh, it's just between the two of us, okay?".

"O-okay...".

"I'm... once try to kill myself back there... when in the middle school, I'm more closed than now. I never talk about this to my parents or any other spirits. That day, I feel so numb. Like empty... just a walking corpse. Every time I feel that a cut succeeds scar my wrist. Make sure I'm still alive. Until I can't think straight anymore. My body took a small knife and cut deeper than before. It feels so peaceful like I can surrender to the darkness. My consciousness is slowly gone. Almost the same when you're about to sleep. Then Rangda screams calling my parents".

"...do you still do that again?".

"No. I cleaned for almost a year. When I feel like that, I always do astral projection and leave my body for a moment".

Izuku plays with his pencil meanwhile, I just continue doing my homework. "Did... Arisa knows about that?" he asked. I shook my head, "No and I don't want her to know that. It was enough for her to know how worse people treat me back there. Besides, Rangda won't let me die that easily," I replied. I feel so bad for Izuku knowing that. I don't know why but I have guts he knows that feeling. Almost surrender to death. "...I will always be by your side, Kumiko-san. No matter what! Just remember you can lean on me!" Izuku said. I hear that and then smile. "Okay... I believe in you, Izuku Midoriya," I replied. "You need to be used to hearing me curse in my language then".