Troubles Ahead

The aftermath

I woke up in my own bed

Am I home?

Did I dream what happened last night.. it felt so real.

I was gonna head to the shower when I got up and stumbled, my legs felt so unsteady and weak

I looked at my wrists and there was visible bruises, so last night did happen.

I slept with a man that has tortured me for weeks, and to make matters worse this man was my first.

After my shower I scrubbed myself clean I saw
Chubby on my bed, he makes everything ok.

I have to walk him but I don't know if I should text Nate.

I decide not to I mean I'm not leaving my apartment complex I am only walking him around.

It's Monday and usually he doesn't have me come in.

I make sure I have no messages from him and start doing my chores for the day.

Every time I move I am reminded of the night before, he used my body in a way I'll never be able to forget.

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I get away with not having to text him all day, I don't even know if he wants me to text him but I still don't, I stayed home and ordered take out.

It's the following day and he texts me when his on his way.

I can't help but over think about my situation, maybe after what happened he would be more lenient towards me.

I don't want to get my hopes up or start asking for more freedom right away but there might be chance, a way I can make it work?

His horn sounds outside and I make my way out, kissing Chubby goodbye.

I open the door and say my usual quick "hi" while getting in

He says nothing and doesn't look my way the whole drive, back to business as usual I guess

We park and I hold his hand before he gets out

"um, i just wanted to say thank you for not locking me in that room for days" I trail off losing my voice towards the end

His eyes are fixed on my hand over his, when he looks at me he nods as he continues to get out

I trail behind him and when we enter his office I sit on the floor at the coffee table, as usual.

He throws the last project I was working on my way, I set it nicely on the table I just get straight to work.

He doesn't scold me, he doesn't even look at me and it's been this way all week.

I guess It's a good thing, we had some kind of chemistry we just had to get it over with so there, it's done.

              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been practicing what I'm going to say regarding my freedom

On Friday before I make my to my area I finally get the courage to ask

"Hey Nate.."

He has his full attention on his laptop with his eyebrows furrowed, I should've timed it better but I have to do this

"I know you said to stop asking but maybe we could talk about me not working for you anymore.. I'm still not plotting anything against you and I haven't talked to any of your employees in forever or disobeyed your orders.. also summer is coming to an end I should focus back on my actual job.."

I said in a calm and steady voice, the hope in my eyes speak volumes I'm sure

I kept it cool and natural if he gets riled up I'll be able to drop it without an argument breaking out, hopefully.

He rubs his hand on his jaw while shifting from the laptop into my soul, I just fidget around nervously

"If I asked you stop asking why are you doing it now" his voice is very calm, almost too calm

"I- I just thought maybe you had an update on things.. I guess not.." I trail off again

He gets up and I back away a little, he's very unpredictable I have to be ready for anything with him

"I have no timeline when it comes to you" he spat the word 'you'

"Ok yeah, I was just hoping.." I keep my eyes low "maybe I can drive myself to work then?" I say in a begging tone

He laughs but humorlessly, like he did when I first met him

"I will continue to drive you and you will continue to ask for permission to leave when you need to. Got it?"

He's so close to me I haven't met his eyes once

"I understand.." I was gonna turn and leave when he grabbed my arm and put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled my hair a little, tangling it

"Nothing has changed between us, stop getting ideas in your head, do you really understand or do I have to make you understand?"

"Yes" I whisper "I do"

Nothing I do ever seems to work in my favor and he loves knowing that fact.