to see you smile - avatrice

chapter 10

At half past two, someone starts banging on her door. Beatrice hadn't ordered take out, so there is no reason anyone should be knocking on her door. And she's really not inclined to answer it. She gets one day. One day to be a hermit and feel miserable and mope, and then she goes back out in the world and keeps living. And that one day does not include assholes knocking, repetitively on her door.

"Open the fucking door, Beatrice," Ava yells. Beatrice closes her eyes.

"No," she calls back. "I'm moping." She's pretty sure the next noise is Ava kicking Beatrice's door.

"Open the fucking door," she yells again.

"This is a family neighborhood! Watch your language," she shouts back. "I get one day and then I go back to normal."

"If you don't open the goddamn door, so help me god I will break a window," Ava threatens. Which... Beatrice considers if the threat is idle or not. Should she take that chance?

"I'm taking off my sweater to protect my elbow," Ava warns. Threat not idle. Do not take that chance!

"For fuck's sake!" Beatrice yells. "I'm coming! Jesus." And she storms to the door and throws it open. Ava is standing there, sweater wrapped around her elbow, glaring at her. Beatrice looks at her, really looks, for the first time in a long time, and Ava is so much smaller than she thinks she is in her head. Ava takes up space and rooms, but she's also tiny and small and... Beatrice swallows all thoughts.

Ava looks up at her with those eyes that hold Beatrice's whole world. Beatrice clears her throat.

"Could you not just give me a day, one day, to be a mopey bastard?" Beatrice asks. Ava huffs.

"No. You weren't at work," she accuses. Beatrice shakes her head.

"No, I wasn't. Because it's been a really emotional few months and I needed a day. I bought a dog, Lilith and Camila started dating, Yasmin accidentally told me Camila wants to have a baby, and oh yeah, I confessed my love to my best friend and she yelled at me for being an asshole," Beatrice ranted. Ava's mouth twitched in something like begrudging agreement.

"That is a lot. And your best friend is an asshole too," she snaps. Beatrice scoffs.

"I know," she retorts. Ava punches her lightly, and she refuses, flat refuses, to smile. She. Will. Not. Smile. Ava's scowl is becoming more like a smile.

"Well, I love you too, asshole," Ava says. "And that's all I wanted to say." And then she turns on her heel and goes to walk away. In the full second it takes Beatrice's brain to catch up with current events, Ava hasn't made it quite off the front steps, so she grabs her by the arm and yanks her back. Harder than she expected, and Ava is suddenly inside her house, and she kicks the door closed behind her.

"You want to say that again?" She asks, and she sounds threatening, but inside she kind of feels like she's going to explode. Ava screws her face up in a scowl.

"Mary called me. And yelled. Because Lilith asked out Camila because you were apprently  too pathetic and then Lilith told me that you bought Brutus because you know for a fact I love dogs and then Lilith called Yasmin and told her how I felt about you and then Yasmin called me and...," Ava says, looking at her feet. "You bought me a dog."

"I bought ME a dog," Beatrice yells. "It might have been a contributing factor that you needed a dog to hug on the regular, but Brutus is MY dog. Why is this so hard for everyone to get?"

"Can you let me tell my goddamned story?" Ava shouts. "I let you talk last night."

"Barely," Beatrice snaps. And then she stops. "Wait. Why are we yelling?" Ava throws her hands in the air.

"Because we're both emotionally constipated gay disasters?" she suggests, and Beatrice laughs a little, and then winces.

"Yas shouldn't have called you. I didn't tell anyone I said anything," she says. "And I still want... I just want you in my life. I want to share my life with you. As friends, if that's all you want." Ava sighs heavily.

"It's not all I want. But... I'm also... ," Ava trails off. Beatrice nods.

"Your love life is a disaster zone," she finishes for her. "You don't want to lose the friendship." Ava nods. And then she looks up at Beatrice, meeting her eyes.

"But... I think it might be worth the risk," Ava says. "Last night, I was going to... I mean, I thought you knew, because how could you not know how I felt about you. Especially after my mother. And then you said... I wasn't expecting..." She trails off again and Beatrice swallows thickly.

"I thought you knew how I felt about you and didn't feel the same way," Beatrice offers. "A couple of times. I just... it's enough, you know?" Ava nods.

"It is. It's... we're good together. However we're together. And messing with that... it's... ," Ava pauses and takes a deep steadying breath. "I'm saying that if you're in, I'm in." Beatrice reaches out, her fingers grazing Ava's upper arm and tracing down until she can link her fingers into Ava's, pulling her just one step closer. This is it, she thinks. This is the moment where she decides if it's worth the risk, if she's worth the risk, and if Ava is. This is the moment Beatrice chooses if she gets a shot at spending the rest of her life with Ava as friends or as something more. Ava's searching her eyes with hers and Beatrice wants to ask her if she can see it there, how much she loves her, how scared she is, and...

"I'm in," Beatrice says softly, and Ava steps forward into her chest, and sighs heavily. It's like something uncoils in her, and she melts against her.

"I love you," Ava says into her chest. And she means it and means it and means it.

"I love you, too," Beatrice whispers into her hair.

The moment is perfect. Until Brutus decides to join in the hug and brings all three of them toppling unexpectedly to the ground in a mess of laughter and dog slobber.

Ava kisses Beatrice, messily, intense, straddling her, and then loops her arms around Brutus pulling him into them and grins like she's got everything she's ever wanted right within reach. And, if Beatrice is honest, dog-person or not, Beatrice does too.

"You're right by the way" Beatrice says as she lays their in the middle of her living room with the two things she loves most in this world. Ava hums in acknowledgement.

"I bought the dog for you"

Author note: happy valentine's ❤