I laid in the bed with miah and Alex
They came a few hours ago they managed to calm me down as I fought the the thoughts telling me to push them away. I needed them here they helped me out of whatever spiral i was in. All i needed now was a distraction. "Alex, tell me where you went last night" I asked in a tired voice ready to go to sleep. Miah was laying next to me sleep with his arm wrapped securely around me.
I sat up showing him that he had my attention bu he just pushed me back down. "After all that crying you need to rest or you will hurt yourself." I'm gonna- "you are not going to be fine Jay " he said in a serious voice, moving to lay directly on top of me just when miah turnedto the other side, his back now facing me. "I didn't say anything" I defend myself "but you were thinking it"
I didn't respond after that just yawned. "Go to sleep well be here when you wake you" Alex said softly raising himself to look me in the eyes holding on to my face gently while using the other one to help balance himself. I nodded my head to his words and watched his eyes flicked from mine to my lips. I wanted to kiss him so bad, he looked so good hovering over me but I looked away remembering miah was here.
A pang of guilt spread through my body. I've kissed Alex multiple times and I loved it every time but I was still in love with miah. Fuck this really hurt I want both of them but miah, he's working so fucking hard for me I can't keep doing this. I've only been working here for a month and its already to much drama.
Sometimes I really feel like I can't breathe. Alex and miah don't deserve me they deserve so much more. "Jay, are you ok" I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Alex worried voice. "Huh?" Was the only thing I could let out "your eyes are glossing over and you chest is rising and falling faster than normal" he said looking me up and down. "Oh, my head just really hurts right now" I said placing a hand on my head and turning away from him.
I wasn't completely lying my head did hurt but I just can't stand to deal with my emotions with Alex when the person I love is laying right next to me. "Oh ok then do you need anything" I nodded my head and gave him a list and my key and told him to get every and make a copy of my key for himself.
He noded, got ready and left. Once the door shut I heard Miah's voice "do you like him" i flinched at his voice, I turned to look at him bit his back was still facing me. "W-what?" "You heard me Jay, do you like him" his voice was sharp and I could feel my body shake and my breath pick up. "Miah i-" I couldn't think of what to say what could I say should I be honest and say yes, bit what if it's only a temporary feeling.
What if Alex doesn't like me, what if something happens between us I knew this was a bad idea I don't want to lose ether of them " I love you" I took a breath as I watched him turn to face his eyes sent shivers to my spine "I love you miah" he got closer to me and wrapped his hand around my neck.
"Do you though, I've seen you look at him with the same fucking eyes you look at me with. I've been working so fucking hard for you" His voice was deep and cold, he pushed me down on the bed keeping his eyes locked with mine "I promised you I wouldn't hurt you or touch you with out your permission but I'm really about to say fuck it" he took a breath before continuing "I don't know how I feel about you but I do know I can't stand to see you looking at someone who isn't me
I want to love you just as much as you love me, but how can I when your eyes cry for him to do everything I want to do to you. I want to hold you, kiss you, fuck you, I want to make you feel good" his eyes glossed over as he moved his hand from my neck to my face. "I- i love you, but i think i love him too" I felt his tears fall on me and my own fall out my eyes.
"I'm sorry Miah I've seen how hard your working so hard for me and you but I've also seen you with Alex you've grown close I don't know what happened but I love you, I love you so fucking much" I cried holding his face with my hands and whipping away his tears "but Alex he's been with me ever since I came to work for you he's been right by my side I can't just let him go and I don't want to let you go ether I want you so bad miah but I think want him too"
