SSA Aaron Hotchner is stepping down from his Unit Chief position for a 6-month period due to an assignment in overseas. To his temporary replacement comes SSA Alexandra Barnes, Chief of the Child Abductions Unit. Both Hotchner and Barnes have their...
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Her POV We started moving in our new home within the next couple of weeks for safety. We bought it and put it under an alias provided to us by the FBI so it wouldn't get tied to us; or to me.
Furnishing our new home wasn't as magical as I hoped it would be. We had to be too cautious about who we let see us there or get inside.
We started living there full time a few days ago. It's not complete yet, but we have enough for now. We agreed that there is no need to rush the rest.
I should be happy about this. I moved with Aaron, I got a promotion... But I can't relax or feel at home anymore. I haven't slept normally in two months. I don't eat or drink anything that I don't make myself or isn't in a sealed package. I don't get myself into crowded situations. My life is basically office - home. I think I'm slowly going insane.
And I feel guilty for torturing Aaron as well. He shouldn't be worried about me, he has enough things in his mind already. I'm not supposed to be another case; another victim.
He currently has 5 other victims in Texas to worry about and I have a whole section to overlook. Lately, I've been spending more time in the office than he does.
I've barely been home.
But my therapist adviced me to challenge myself with a small mission at a time. So I spent my first night alone at our new place last night. Of course, I double checked that every door, every window is locked and I hid my gun within arm's reach before getting in bed. However, with every little sound, my eyes snapped open.
I'm getting paranoid and that sadist is probably enjoying it.
So another sleepless night went by. I chugged one coffee in the morning at home and then made one more to take with me.
I was good for a couple of hours, but then my eyes started closing over the dozens of papers I had laid in front of me.
"Chief!" I hear and I almost jump. Agent Anderson is standing at my door. "These are the reports you requested from Child Abductions..." he hands me the files "...and the BAU just got back" he informs me
"Thank you" I reply and he leaves.
I take a deep breath and I shake my head. I pull the second cup of coffee out of the mini fridge in my office -or Strauss' office that I'm currently taking over- and I chug that as well. Then I throw the cup away and I pick up my pen again.
Not even 5 minutes later I begin to feel nauseous and dizzy. I haven't eaten much all day, so I take some of the crackers that I have in the drawer for moments like this.
I start taking a few deep breaths to calm myself down but it is just making me worse. My chest gets heavy and I'm hyperventilating. This feels like a panic attack, but worse...
I grab the phone and I call in Aaron's office. "Hotchner"
"Hey..." Sound normal, don't get him worried. "Heard you were-- back. Are-- are you busy?" I ask, trying to breathe in between
"Well, I just got here. I was going to start reports... Are you ok?"
"I-- I'm not--" I answer
"What happened? Are you crying?" I can hear his tone change
"My chest feels heavy, I can't breathe very well..."
"It's ok. Sit down and I'm on my way to you, ok?"
"Ok. Ok..." he hungs up and only a few seconds later he is with me.
He kneels in front of me and takes my face in his hands. He wipes my tears "What happened?" he whispers
"It just... It just started. Maybe it's the lack of sleep... I don't know" I try to explain "Can you just stay for a bit? It probably won't take long"
"Of course. I'm right here. Everything is good" he says and hugs me. He starts rubbing my back and I close my eyes. This is better. More relaxing... Relaxing...
His POV I wait until she has fully calmed down. I have no idea what triggered this and she doesn't seem to do either.
"How about you take a sick day today?" I suggest as I keep rubbing her back. But I get no answer. Not even a protest.
"Lexie..." I call, shaking her a bit. I move to pull away and her body completely collapses against mine.
"Lexie!" I call louder this time but she is non responsive.
I can't find her pulse.
I grab my phone as I put her on the floor and I tap on the first contact without looking. I start chest compressions as I wait for an answer.
"What did I forget this time?" Prentiss answers
"I need the paramedics in Section Chief's office now!" I say.
"Oh God, what happened?" she asks but I can tell that she's running
"I am not sure. She just... I can't find her pulse" my chest hurts as I admit this out loud. This can't be happening. "Come on, Lexie" I whisper as I look at her body shake every time I press down her chest, but there is no other reaction.
"Step aside, sir". I hear them but my body refuses to stop. Soon I get pulled back and the medical staff takes over.
Morgan and Prentiss are the ones pulling me away from her and outside the office. "Hotch! They got her. You just have to calm down--" Derek yells to get my attention
"How? She is literally dead right now. No heartbeat. No..." I lay my back against the wall and I rub my face.
I hear more people approaching "What happened?" Dave asks
"If one more person asks me that--"
"Let's all take a breath!" Prentiss stops me.
I rest my head against the wall and tears blur my vision. "One moment she was having what looked like a panic attack and the other she was non responsive"
"But instead of being sad, you are pissed. Why?" he asks.
"'Can you just stay for a bit? It probably won't take long'. That's the last thing she told me" I answer
"So you think she did this to herself?" Prentiss asks shocked
"I don't know. She wasn't doing well lately. She wasn't sleeping, she wasn't eating, she was too vigilant because she was scared. But she was seeing her therapist regularly. And I never thought she'd...". The tears threaten to fall from my eyes.
"No, her mother OD'd leaving her and her sister behind alone. She lived it. Do you think she would want to put you or her sister through it as well?" Dave points out
"She wouldn't and she didn't. I'm sure that there is another explanation and we'll find it" Emily says
That's when we hear the defibrillator. She's still not back...
