Lucifer's Love

Chapter 23

M E R C U R Y  L I A L I A

My heart is pounding in my chest right now. I get the feeling that Lucifer knows something, something he shouldn't know. Why would he randomly start showering me in attention? Telling me that I can talk to him.

I left Mitel and Ethan to deal with Fjord's punishment, because these days it feels like I'm running on fumes. Most nights I can't sleep, and on the nights I do sleep, bad memories keep me locked in my mind.

I don't know why my usual shield and mask is breaking. I'm normally better than this. Pathetic. My brain spits at me, but I force those thoughts away, as I sit on my bed. After the movie, everyone headed to their respective rooms for sleep, but here I am, counting the number of tiles on my floor to block out the thoughts trying to take over my mind.

A low knock sounds at my door and I pull myself together. I open it and gasp. Lucifer. "Yes?" My voice instantly gets nervous.

"Can I come in?" His voice is raspy and I nod, moving from the doorway to allow him entry. "I saw your light on and wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Yes, of course, I'm fine." I say hastily, and I know he doesn't believe me.

"Alright, if you ever need anything, you know where my room is." He says and leaves. I stand in the middle of my room confused. I grip my hair, forcing myself to remain calm.

I rush down the stairs and outside, to allow the cool air to calm my hot skin. He knows something he shouldn't. I can feel it. I lay on the grass, curled into a ball, forcing my mind off of the memories.

I have more important things to worry about. There's people who have lived lives worst than mine and they are fine, so why am I acting this way? I shouldn't be like this. I have a home and people who love me, I shouldn't feel like this.

I have no reason to cry, but I am and for some reason it makes me cry more. I feel arms wrap around me and I tense. "Mercury, I told you to come to me, sweetheart." Lucifer says and I break. He holds me and he lets me cry. He doesn't say anything, he just holds me and that's exactly what I need.

I don't want false reassurance, I want to be held and I am. "I'm sorry." I mutter, once I finish crying. No wonder he doesn't want to be around me, I'm either crying or awkward.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. You can cry and I will hold you." He says fiercely and I almost believe his words. He'll be gone soon, then he'll forget about us, he'll forget about me.

"I, I'm going to go to bed now." I pull myself out of his arms and stand awkwardly. I wrap my arms around myself and speed walk to the house, ignoring his eyes on me.

I head towards Solar's room, since it's closer but it's empty, so I go to Pluto's room instead. He's snoring away and I crawl into his bed after taking off my shirt and pants. "M-Mercury?" He mutters, sleep thick in his voice.

"Yeah, go back to sleep." I control my emotions, long enough to hear him snoring loudly again. I wrap my arms around him and sob quietly again. I want to run away from myself, from my problems, but it seems like no matter how far I run, they always catch up to me.

I pray to whatever god is out there that they help me overcome this battle. That I can become a better me. I have no reason to cry. I'm ungrateful, selfish even. "Oh Mercury." The light flickers on and Pluto holds me closer.

"I-I'm sorry." I whisper, and he shushes me. I've always been so sensitive and that's bad on my part. It's so easy for me to latch onto somebody.

"No need to be sorry." He mutters, rubbing my back and I relax further into him. "I wish you didn't have to go through this, brother." He sounds genuinely hurt for me.

"It's apart of life." I murmur, and my eyes finally stop leaking. I met Pluto and Solar when I went to my first ever family reunion. My parents didn't like to bring me around the family, because I'm to 'weird.' They weren't happy when they found out my results. They beat me. They beat me so bad, I fell into a coma. They don't care and as much as I want to I can't seem to stop caring.

I obsess over how I could've been better. How I could've changed. Here I am crying over something so small and pathetic, when Lucifer has been through way worse. He had to do outrageous things to survive and he's strong. He doesn't cry over anything. Why can't I be like that? Why can't I be strong?