honeysuckle ✔️

12 years old

The first few weeks at the start of summer, Tanner could tell that Rowan was withholding something. He would see the blonde boy crying silently but at the same time, he was a bit happier. Rowan was truly an enigma. And Tanner was trying everything to solve him.

But one day, by the honeysuckle bush, is when Rowan decided to reveal the true cause of his mixed emotions.

“My mom finally left us a few weeks ago.” He said. Tanner stopped what he was doing. He knew Rowan’s mother was an evil person but that was still his mother. The woman who birthed him.

“Are we happy or sad?” Tanner asked. He didn’t know if he should be happy about it or not. But whatever Rowan decides to choose, and he doesn’t have to, Tanner will stick by his choice.

“I-I don’t know.” He started to cry. Tanner comforted the smaller boy. “I hated her! I hated her so much! But she’s my mom! I loved her at the same time! I feel so bad for hating her!”

“Don’t push yourself, Ro. Yeah, she was your mom. But she didn’t act like one. She didn’t care for you. Don’t feel bad for hating her. Your feelings are okay.” Tanner said. Rowan kept crying and wiping his tears with his shirt.

“But I wished for her to leave! It’s my fault she’s gone.” Rowan cried out.

“You didn’t do anything. She left because she wanted to.” Tanner hugged Rowan tightly. 

At home, Rowan’s father became distant. It was almost like he forgot he had a son. His father would go to work at the factory, go to the bar, drink, probably get into a fight, come home, eat whatever was around, drink some more, and pass out. 

At least the scars on Rowan’s body could now fully heal. There was now a period where his skin was clear of any bruises. Tanner always admired how beautiful his skin was. Despite the scarring and marks, Rowan always had a milky velvet skin. 

Rowan thanked Tanner everyday for convincing his aunt to feed him. Rowan no longer went hungry at night. He wasn’t woken up by his stomach. He gained weight. His ribs were no longer visible. And Tanner noticed this too. He felt a sense of pride. 

But the best thing about this summer was the sleepovers they could have. Three times a week, Rowan would sleep in Tanner’s room where the two could continue their fun days. Every time Tanner’s aunt tried to enter the room, they would say it’s a boys’ club and no girls were allowed. They formed their own society where the rules are made just for them.

Now that Rowan’s father didn’t care where he was, Rowan could pretty much do whatever he wanted. He could stay up late. Eat however much he wants. And sleep however he wants. He never felt judged at the Brandenburg’s. 

Aunt Ava would listen to the boys playing at night. Their innocent whispers that had no importance to the world, but to them, it’s like reading the Bible. Every word they said was eaten up by the other. A true friendship had formed. Anyone on the outside would be jealous of them.

By this time, Rowan was able to notice some small changes about Tanner. He couldn’t point them out, but something was changing about Tanner. He realized soon that his voice was changing a bit. Not a huge difference, but Rowan was able to notice it. He had no idea what was happening. But he didn’t ask. Maybe they’ll teach him that in school.

Tanner didn’t notice anything yet. He learned about puberty at school and the changes that’ll be coming to his body soon. But everything was the same. He even noticed that Rowan was still the same. Maybe there’s nothing to worry about.

There was still no word about Rowan’s mom. It’s like she disappeared off the map and never existed. Besides Rowan, the living embodiment of her, she has no one else. Sunriver just forgot that she existed. She didn’t contribute anything to society. Maybe it’s best she was gone.

But that left the question of who would look after Rowan. His father was existent but nonexistent. Rowan just hopes that his father forgets about him enough.

“Tanny?” Rowan asked. They both basked in the sun. Tanner mentioned that they should get some color on his body.

“Hmm? Ro?” Tanner responded.

“What’s gonna happen when you leave?” The blonde asked.

“What do you mean?” Tanner asked back.

“Well, my mom isn’t here. My dad acts like I don’t exist. Only you and Aunt Ava,” Ava insisted that Rowan call her aunt, “are the only ones who care for me. I don’t want to be alone again! I can’t do it!” He cried. Every year, it pains him to see Tanner leave. 

And it was trickling down to an epiphany.

“I know, Ro. I wish I didn’t leave you. Everyday, I think about you in California.” Tanner said.

“Why can’t you just live here? Then you won’t have to leave!” Rowan tried pleading.

“Because mom and dad aren’t here, Ro. I can’t leave them behind. I still have to grow. But maybe someday I could live here.” Tanner said. 

A small excitement filled Rowan. The possibility that Tanner would move to Sunriver and then they could hang out everyday together. It was a dream.

With a goodbye, Tanner drove down the road, waving to Rowan. Rowan, like always, cried. But this time, aunt Ava was there to comfort him. She’s never seen anyone love like Rowan has. He attached himself to Tanner. Relies on him for happiness. Warmth. Affection.

Tanner makes Rowan become himself.

If it wasn’t for Tanner, Rowan would have a horrible life. Rowan sometimes thought that he wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Tanner.

Tanner saved Rowan. Tanner knows that he impacted Rowan, but he doesn’t know how much.

The said epiphany came when he was staring down the road from where Tanner had left from. It all made sense now. 

He loves being with Tanner. He always wants to talk to him. Hold his hand. Is fascinated by everything about him. Practically worships Tanner and holds him to high regards. And it makes perfect sense when Rowan thinks about it.

He doesn’t care if he’s too young to understand.

Because now he understands.

He’s in love with Tanner Brandenburg.

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bye! i love you all!

<3