On Wednesday evening, Fletch text her the details for dinner tomorrow night. He knew something was off with her, and he was planning to ask her about it over Indian delicacies.
She didn't reply immediately but he presumed she was busy with Emma, having been away from her unplanned. It was strange to him, he knew exactly what he was doing, rationalising her every action so that he didn't have to confront it just yet, but still it made him feel a little better.
They didn't see each other at work the next day, Jac spent her entire shift doing back-to-back surgeries. He left work at five with Theo and Emma in the back, dropping them off at home with Evie before showering and getting changed into some nicer clothes.
At 6:15, he left for the restaurant and ended up finding a parking space right outside. Inside he was guided to the table where he sat down and waited for Jac to arrive. He was 10 minutes early and she wasn't exactly the greatest at time management, so he gave her a bit of leeway.
When it got to 7o'clock, he called her, only to have it picked up by a voice he recognised as one of the theatre nurses.
"She says she'll call you back once she's out of theatre, Fletch," Mandy said, entirely unawares of what she was relaying to him.
No more excuses, he told himself as he rose and made for the door. He got into his car and drove straight to the hospital, there was no point pretending that there wasn't something going on, not now.
He didn't make a big deal, didn't storm into theatre and demand an explanation, but instead went and waited in her office for her to return.
At around a quarter to eight, she did, and she looked extremely surprised to see him.
"Fletch, what are you doing here?" She questioned, pushing her office door shut. "I'm sorry about dinner, I didn't even realise what day it is, and I've been in and out theatre since 8o'clock this morning."
"Do you hear yourself? Seriously, you think I'm going to believe that. If for some reason, you don't want this anymore or I've done something wrong, can you at least be honest and talk to me? I know the deal - you are a very difficult woman to deal with and you come with more baggage than a Boeing 747 and you will break my heart without even meaning to, and all the rest of the nonsense that you tell people to try and scare them away. What is going on with you?"
Jac looked at him with wide, watery eyes and she hates herself for crumbling so easily under his gaze.
"I am a very difficult woman to deal with and I come with more baggage than a Boeing 747 and I will break your heart without even meaning to. I will scare you away even if I haven't managed it yet," Jac answers in a somber tone, shoulders slumped. "Emma loves you and she loves the kids, I can't do this to her...I can't do this to me...or you, or the kids. I don't have it in me to watch you walk away from me once you realise how unlovable I am, so I am doing the walking and I'm sorry if that burns you but I can promise that it's burning me too."
Fletch exhaled deeply, trying to keep a level head as he stood up.
"You stupid woman, when will you accept that not everybody is going to leave you? You build these walls up so that you don't get hurt, and you cover them in barbed wire so nobody wants to come near you but I AM ALREADY INSIDE, JAC. There is no way for me to get away from you because I am inside of the walls and I know you and I see you and I never want to be reminded of what life was like before I did!"
"Fletch-"
"No, you listen to me right now because I am tired of you making decisions for the both of us. You spend your entire life saving people and telling them to make the most of their lives and follow their dreams and embrace every second, but you are so scared of things going wrong. Just because this might fall apart doesn't mean you shouldn't take a chance on it. I bloody love you and I'm not letting you run away from me just because you're frightened; it is my job to be here when you are frightened and to reassure you and to help you through it!"
"Fletch-"
He closed the gap between the two of them in two long strides and pulled her into a passion-filled kiss that filled Jac with the adrenaline of every risk she'd ever taken and every time she'd ever dared to dream.
Jac forced herself away from him and shook her head.
"Just because you believe something doesn't make it true. I have loved only a handful of people in my life, and all of them except for Emma, in one way or another, broke my heart. I love you too, Adrian, and that's why I'm not sure I can do this," she stated boldly. "You can't change my mind. I truly am sorry."
Fletch looks at her and he knows in that moment that he cannot fix this, that she needs space or she needs someone else to speak to her but the last thing she needs is him right now.
"Okay, I'll...drop Emma at creche in the morning then," he finished as he headed for the door quietly and left.
In the darkness of her office, Jac lets herself cry and she cannot believe she has allowed herself to ruin this. She grieves for a love she had barely acknowledged and she wishes that she were someone else, someone deserving of love, someone capable of it, just anybody other than herself right now.
