Days passed, and they fell back into the pattern of avoiding one another. Sacha tried to reason with her when he heard what had happened but all she told him was that Fletch deserved better.
She settled into a routine, even saw Jonny a couple of times in the hopes that he might serve as a distraction. Emma was all that was keeping her going anymore, and Jac knew that her mood hadn't gone unnoticed by the toddler.
"Jac, can I speak to you?" Jonny asked as he dropped Emma off on Sunday afternoon, following her inside and waiting until Emma had hurried off to her bedroom to play before he continued. "Emma mentioned something this weekend, about you being sad because of Fletch. Is everything okay?"
"I don't really think my personal life concerns you, Jonny," she snapped.
"It is when our daughter's coming to me and telling me that she doesn't like hearing Mummy cry! Talk to me, Jac," Jonny pleaded, genuinely concerned for the mother of his child.
"Me and Fletch were together for a while but surprise, surprise, I blew things up. I'll be fine, it's just an adjustment, I was properly happy for the first time in a while and now I'm not," she stated incuriously. "Nothing to worry yourself about, Maconie."
"Jac, what did you do?" He asked, meeting her gaze and seeing the genuine pain that rested there.
She turned and walked through to the kitchen, boiling the kettle to make coffee. Jonny took the seat which was once his and looked at her expectantly.
"I broke things off before I could hurt him. He has four kids to worry about, and I didn't want to get anymore attached only to mess things up the same way I always tend to," she admitted sadly. "Ironic really, give me a scalpel and I can make a heart good-as-new, but ask me to love it and it's going to be returned to you in pieces."
She poured hot water into a pair of mugs and stirred, waiting for them to brew a little, continuing to look away from Jonny.
"You always do this. You get happy and then you blow it up because you think that if you do it, it won't do as much damage as if you wait for the world to do its part. You did it with Joseph, you did it with me, you even tried to do it with Emma. The only person who ever breaks your heart is you, Jac," Jonny said, and Jac swiftly turned around with both mugs, slamming them down on the island and sliding one towards him.
She sips at the coffee and it burns the roof of her mouth, but she does not complain.
"Who I choose to love isn't really any of your concern, Jonny, so I don't know why we're having this conversation. Just because you're happy now doesn't mean you get to dole out advice on everything I'm doing wrong. I made the right decision for myself, so maybe you should just stay out of it," she bit out, swiping away his coffee and pouring it down the sink.
It was Wednesday when she heard a knock at her door again, and the past three days had gone like clockwork, she barely remembered them.
"You broke a promise," and as soon as she opened the door, she tried to shut it again only to have it pushed in her face as Evie stormed into the house. "Even when I thought the worst of you, I still believed you had some integrity. How dare you do this to him, after everything he's been through?"
"Evie, you're supposed to be at school. What are you doing here?"
"It's lunch, I forged a note, I'm not a child and I am perfectly capable of making my way across Holby when I need to," she snapped, glaring at Jac with disgust. "Dad says you were scared but I think he's just trying to cover for you. You're one of the smartest, bravest people I've ever met and I don't believe you're thick enough to give up someone as great as my Dad just because you're frightened he might dump you!"
Emma slid down the stairs on her bum to see what all the noise was about, babbling Evie's name as she rushed towards her and jumped into the girl's arms.
"Darling, Evie and I are just having a chat. Why don't you go and watch some Peppa?" Jac suggested, corralling her into the living room where she heard the television turn on almost immediately. "Why don't we go through to the kitchen?"
Shyly, Evie followed her and settled, leaning against the wall beside the door.
"You're already sad. You may as well put it off until later. I don't understand the logic behind what you've done, unless you really don't care about him...which is a possibility that I don't want to consider."
"Please, Evie. I know you can't understand this but I need you to try. Everybody I have ever cared about has either moved as far away from me as they could or they have died, and I know your Dad would never desert me," Jac practically whispered and she couldn't believe that she had just said that to Fletch's child. "I-you shouldn't be here. You should be at school. You can't fix this, Evie."
"No, I can't, but you can, and you have to. You're hurting more people than just yourself right now, Jac."
Evie left without another word, leaving the redhead a little stunned.
Hearing Evie say that made her believe it. She'd been saying it to herself for weeks but it hadn't really clicked until it came out of Evie's mouth in that very moment. She was condemning herself to this.
Fletch wasn't going to ruin things. The world wasn't going to ruin things. She was going to ruin things, because she always had and because she believed she would. It was time to break the cycle.
